Dancing in the womb

We saw you today little one. You were dancing in the womb. You are only 9 weeks new and you are so very loved. Here is your glamor headshot.



Stats: heartbeat of 170. due date of Dec 11th.

~Kristen

The blessings of life or YES, you can get pregnant on your own after IVF

We had an unexpected surprise.... I am PREGNANT!

Honestly, I wasn't ready for another baby. Having another baby meant hormones and heartache. I was happy to just enjoy being Isabelle's Mommy. Many of our friends are adding their second child but it is different when you know you will have to go through IVF to get there. So... I was spending my time getting myself back in shape. I was eating low carb no sugar, (eating the PCOS diet) going to the gym at least 3 times a week. (or more) I lost 10 pounds in about 2 months. and It was time for my yearly check up and they found my vitamin D level was low. I was taking 10,000 units for a few days and then went to 2000 a day. That was it... the Perfect Storm! My body ovulated on it's own. The first month I added the vitamin D. Can you get pregnant on your own after IVF, yes!

It is the strangest thing... who knew you could get pregnant from having unprotected sex? It took us 3 very long years to have our dream baby, life was full of hormones and shots and blood work. We knew embryo quality, we knew we had the best sperm. I still look at this picture and think... how did that baby get in there??!!

Here is our little bean, measuring 7 weeks with a heartbeat of 138.



It is funny how life happens, I thought I didn't want another child yet, but now, I can't imagine not having this one! Much love little one....

~kristen - Mommy to be... again.

BTW... When I saw those 2 lines on the test and totally freaked out! I did go immediately and have my beta numbers checked and rechecked to see if they doubled. Also started on progesterone for piece of mind and will continue until my 11-12 weeks. I contacted my infertility doctors office to verify that here was a heartbeat, after all we did not see a heartbeat on 3 of them before. (my regular OB's office could not understand my concern) They were nice enough to get me in and check for the heartbeat. I go see my regular OB in about a week. The fear of failure seems to stay even if you are blessed to get there on your own.

Reflux and the feeling of failure. The things we did for GERD with a newborn.

Our sweetness has reflux, GERD, (or the evil that makes babies scream) call it what you like. I feel like a Mommy failure. You have all these plans, the baby gets here and you have an idea of what you life will be. (well an inkling of an idea) First my beautiful baby with perfect baby skin developed eczema. Not just a little but everywhere. It was horrible. Finally resolving mostly with nightly baths in Eucerin Aquaphor wash and shampoo, as prescribed by her doctor. Her little skin finally looked better after about a week and a half. At about 8 weeks came the reflux. (step #1.) As a breastfeeding Mommy, I cut everything out of my diet that "they" said could be the culprit. "They" being my Pediatrician and anyone who had a voice or opinion on the internet. Baby still screamed, and let me be specific... not cry, SCREAMED! (step #2.) Stopped breastfeeding and moved her to Alimentum formula. (this made the biggest difference) This was gut wrenching hard but, like a ray of light after the storm... within 12 hours, she smiled. She did well on this for about 3 weeks. (step #3.) Then it got bad, the doctor recommenced adding rice cereal to thicken the formula to keep it down and to keep her upright for 30 minutes after feeding. (step #4.) She also prescribed Zantac. Ok, she was better for a while. And I use the term better very loosely. I spent my days in the rocking chair so she would sleep. Otherwise she would go down and sleep for 30 minutes and then scream and scream, you couldn't get her back to sleep. Screams that a little baby should never have to make. Full out screams! On Mothers Day she ended up in the emergency room. She would no longer eat, just cry. Never ever was this in my plan. (step #5.) ER said Maalox for 4 days and call her doctor to change medicine. (step #6.) The doctor moved her to Prevacid. The Maalox was like a miracle, a miracle that could only last for 4 days. Her throat was so torn up from the acid and the screaming she was hoarse. It completely broke my heart. The Prevacid was horrible, it was like taking a step backward. (step #7.) Moved to Nexium, and again we saw a difference within 12 hours. It has been a week. She is cooing again, she is moving again. During this war with reflux she had stopped doing anything. The cooing sounds stopped, she could roll from back to front and front to back... it stopped. She was just trying to make it through the day, there was no more advancement, no more learning new things. At 4 months it was the worse. I say that now that we are at 5 months and on Nexium. It breaks my heart to think as her Mommy I was so very  helpless. Yes, I gave up my life and have lived practically day and night in the rocking chair but that was a very small price to pay for the pain I saw in my daughters face day after day. Now in this very moment, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Please don't think everything is all sunny and roses. I still rock her for her morning and afternoon naps, the two of us becoming one in the rocking chair. But.... I see her smiling, I heard her laugh. "They" say most reflux resolves itself around 6 moths when the valve closes and the stomach acid can't flow up any longer. I hope with all hope that this is our case. So, that is the new plan, or not?

And I can't help but wonder if eczema was a sign of the coming reflux? If they go hand in hand?
It is very hard to condense 5 months into one post, but know that each step was tried for 2 to 3 weeks before the doctor would consider moving on to the next step. A very slow process.... 

Our princess at her 5 month old portrait, taken later that it should have been so we could wait for her to feel better. I had no idea how long we would have to wait. I still have concerns, I'm not the type to rush out and put my baby on medicine. Nexium has a load of side effects but for now, the benefits out way the risk. 




A side note: it has been 3 weeks now that Isabelle has been on the Nexium. It did make some of her eczema flare up on her chest and neck. But... we have gone from living in the rocking chair to her putting herself to sleep in her bed. YIPPEE! She has a wedge under her mattress and about 6 pacifiers in there. We put her in the bed and she goes from taking one pacifier out and putting in another over and over until she gets tired, then she puts her hand out and she rubs the furry wall. (that is what we call it) The middle part of her bumper pad is a little soft and fuzzy. She likes to touch it.  <3

~kristen

And an update... Isabelle is 15 months old and we stopped the Nexium this month. The dose was adjusted as she grew. Her enema is still here around her shoulders and the back of her neck so we moisturize daily. 

On this Mother's Day, I'm thinking of you

I'm sitting here on the couch watching tv and I look down at my coffee table and see a bib, noonie, baby brush and a toy Brobee from yo gabba gabba and, I smile. Almost 4 years ago I married my husband and we began our amazing life together. And we started trying to have a baby. Now, I say we started the process of trying to have a baby. I didn't know at that time that it would be a process. We have gone through so much to get here and yet it doesn't feel like we have. Ivf is a blurr, our two miscarriages are a blurr, all the tears and doubt is a blurr. I have my baby. The hardest part about infertility is not knowing the end result. My Isabelle is the baby I was meant to have and I had to go through a process to get her. If I would've known how great the end would be, I wouldn't have worried so much. Through those 3 years of trying, I couldn't be happy. I had a great life but couldn't get the idea of never being able to have a baby out of my mind. But those 3 years we grew so much stronger  and had some great memories as a married couple and now we get to live our life as a family. Infertility isn't fair, it's cruel and can break your heart. But I didn't let it break me, I kept fighting and look where I am now. Thank you God for everything I have been through. Everything has brought me to this moment with this baby, my baby, the one that was meant for me. Last Mother's Day I was pregnant with Isabelle, the Mother's Day before that I was pregnant with the first baby I lost and this Mother's Day I am holding my baby and believe me when I say, its better than I could've ever imagined. 

So for this Mother's Day, I'm thinking of you. I want to take a moment to say I am thinking about every woman out there that is longing to be a mom but hasn't yet had a chance to hold her own child in her arms. Whether it's due to infertility, pregnancy loss, infant loss, or one of many other reasons it doesn't matter. You are all so special and loved.

There are no words. Yes, infertilty is a hard journey but so worth it.

You wait and wait and wait.... having hope but somewhere inside, you never "really" believe that this will happen. Yes, you go through all the shots, all the doctor appointments, all the heartache, all the hope. But, IF you NEVER try, you will NEVER get there! Is it hard? It is soul crushing hard!

They say that IVF normally works within 3 cycles. I did get pregnant on my first two cycles but I miscarried. The fact that I did get pregnant when nothing else had worked for 3 years was like a weight lifting off my chest. When both of those pregnancies ended in a miscarriage, the weight that came back was almost too much to bear. Looking back, I never smiled, there was no joy, I was just a zombie going through day after day, doing what I was told to do because one day "maybe" it would give me the the child I so desperately wanted. My 3rd cycle also worked, did it have some bumps, you betcha. Lower beta numbers and bleeding in my 1st trimester that put me to bed. (would this be another miscarriage?) I was not the happy smiling pregnant women that you see on TV, I lived my 9 months full of fear and anxiety, waiting for the bad to come. It had to, it always had.

So, if you are reading this... be the zombie, live with the heartache, because in the end, you smile, you laugh, you giggle. One day you realize the huge gaping hole inside of you is gone. The person you were while going through the journey leaves and you do find yourself again. Only now you are sleep deprived and exhausted but.....your heart sings!

Our sweet little Isabelle at 3 months of age.

The love you will feel.... there are no words.



~kristen

She is here....

i promise to come and write my birth story soon, i really want to get it down before i forget everything but here is a little snippet of our life. (and a picture of her at the end)

Click on the link below to watch.

http://flipagram.com/f/uSGdsWHQfN

~Mommy Kristen <3

38 weeks!!!

38 weeks!!  I am excited, nervous and freaking out a little.
Dilated 1cm and 50% effaced.

Here are a few of our maternity pictures....







ready to get this show on the road!!
~kristen

You have my nose!!!

I went for my last ultrasound yesterday, everything checked out great. Good fluid, good growth, you could see her bladder was full, so she is doing everything she is supposed to be doing. My doctor (who is absolutely wonderful) estimated her weight around 5.5 pounds. I will be 34 weeks tomorrow and I am already packing my hospital bag. No, nothing is wrong but this far along you start to hear "the stories". You know the ones... my water broke 4 weeks early, my water broke 5 weeks early. So.... I have started packing my bag and making list. I guess you can say that I have entered the "nesting" stage. Her nursery is almost finished. Just a few items left to pick up. We still need a diaper genie, which is a MUST have on one of my list.

Did I mention that I am a worrier??? I wish I could be one of those people that could say being pregnant was wonderful! It took us 3 years to get here and countless heartache. I was happy to through all the pregnancy symptoms. BRING THEM ON! :-) I finally had a little baby growing inside of me but, after my first IVF and my FET both resulted in miscarriages and the subchorionic hematoma that put me on bed-rest at 8 weeks with this little bean. I have spent most of my pregnancy worrying. Just this little nagging "what if" at the back of my brain. Now, with only 6 weeks left, I only want to have her safe and sound in my arms. I am not sure how you can love someone so much that you have never met but, my heart is so full of love for her. A happy joyous love that if I think about it too long, it makes me cry.

My sweet little Isabelle, you have my nose! <3


~Kristen

Things are counting down. Hard to believe that we are really here! We just had our baby shower, wanted to share a couple of shots of what I look like. Today I am 33 weeks and 3 day. I have my last ultrasound tomorrow morning. Last check to make sure everything looks ok with our sweet little girl.

Hubby and I.



Here is one of me peeking around the fence. :-)




And we have decided to name her Isabelle.


So... if you are out there on your own journey, DON'T GIVE UP!!
Yes, it is hard and frustrating and will break you in an instant. But if you are strong, the majority of women will be pregnant by their 3rd cycle. And you tend to forget most of it and start to feel like a regular ole pregnant person.

~happy Mommy to be, Kristen

The prayers of the heart...

We went for an early gender ultrasound, done at 14 weeks 5 days. I had been studying what the "angle of the dangle" looks like for each gender and had shown my husband numerous videos. As soon as the ultrasound tech had a close up shot I looked at my husband and we both knew.... and then she said it, It is a girl!! During my pregnancy I kept thinking that there was no way I would have a girl. During my infertility process, I would imagine myself in the hospital holding my baby girl. But now looking back, I should've known that it was a girl. I prayed and prayed so hard for a baby; a healthy baby. I wanted to finally be a Mom. But they say that God hears the prayers that we never even pray, the prayers of your heart. I have always dreamed of having a little girl, that is what I pictured in my mind when I saw myself as a Mother. Of course it is a girl, because that is the silent prayer that was never said...the true prayer of my heart <3

Mommy to be ~Kristen

Infertility is worth the fight

The other day I was watching T.V. with my husband and I said, "Sometimes when you're not here and I'm home alone during the day I just cry because I'm so happy"
He said, "You're happy that im not here with you?!"
hahaha that came out wrong...
I am just in awe that I am 14.4 days pregnant. So many times I doubted that i could ever get here. It was a long journey and at times, it felt hopeless... And now here I am :)

 I still have a struggle with letting myself be happy and not worry. Because of my miscarriages, I'm still terrified that this baby will go away too. I have my home doppler that I use at home when I'm feeling nervous and need reassurance and when I put it on my stomach and hear the heartbeat..I am just in awe...there is still a baby in there. I am pregnant. I feel so lucky, everything I had to go through to get here means nothing because I'm here. I have friends that feel like they can't do IVF more than once, or even once because the emotional roller coaster associated with it and the feeling of having hope and then losing it is sometimes too much to bear. I don't know how but I kept going, I always knew that this could happen for me and looking back what if I would've been defeated by everything I had gone through? I wouldn't be here now.  wouldn't have this miracle growing inside me. All the doctor appointments, medications, ultrasounds and injections was just our journey to have our miracle. And because of that journey, we will and do appreciate every moment of this and this baby will be our world. I have appreciation for how much this is truly a gift.

 It is tough... fighting infertility is probably one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through. BUT beating infertility is the most amazing experience of my life.

~blessed Kristen

IVF, SCH update

Ultrasound 11 weeks 5 days, heartbeat 165
 Subchorionic hematoma - changed to just a sliver, way below the baby.
 EVERYTHING IS GOOD!!!!

Here is our official facebook announcement.

~Kristen

IVF, ultrasound to check on subchorionic hematoma

Heatbeat of 174, baby measuring 9 weeks 3 days. <3
subchorionic hematomas, are the same size.

I have had no bleeding, spotting or cramping during the last week and a half of bed rest. My doctor moved me to modified bed rest. The truth being, it is best to rest and not overdue things but what will happen, will happen. I am going to be optimistic!! I have overcome so many bumps in the road to get this far. Most hematomas reabsorb by 20 weeks, no reason to believe that it will not happen to me. Since I am a teacher: I have the summer off to take it easy. Perfect timing! I have left worry and anxiety behind. (yes, they come over and visit but, I don't let them stay) I am 10 weeks pregnant tomorrow. It has taken 3 years to get here, my beautiful little bean is growing in his/her Mommy's tummy. And we are in joyous love with him/her.

May I introduce.... him/her.

Medicine update: I stopped my estrogen and prolactin med at 9.5 weeks.


Mommy to be ~Kristen

IVF... Our second ultrasound, spotting

We had an unexpected ultrasound on May 23rd. I had some spotting the day before, it was mostly brown but did seem to have some clots and tissue in it. I was scared and nervous but kept telling myself it was the empty sac. When they did my first ultrasound, they found 2 sacs, one with a heartbeat measuring correctly and one that had stopped growing at 5 weeks, 2 days. I just thought it was the second empty sac trying to pass. But, of course with everything I had to go through to get this far, there had to be another bump in the road. What they found was a subchorionic hematoma or SCH for short, I actually have 2 of them, one over each sac. I was put on strict bed rest, no work, no play. Come back in 2 weeks. From what I have found on the internet, this is very common in pregnancies, especially twin pregnancies. Baby bean looked wonderful, heartbeat of 161 measuring right on track. None the less... anxiety and worry followed me around everyday like they thought we were best friends. At this point the doctor would have prescribed, baby aspirin and progesterone, but I was already on those. The concern was, the hematoma was over the baby, if it decided to break loose... there was a chance that it would take the baby with it.
So at 8 weeks, bed rest it is!!




I would like you to meet my friend





What it is: Also called subchorionic hematoma, subchorionic bleeding is the accumulation of blood within the folds of the chorion (the outer fetal membrane, next to the placenta) or within the layers of the placenta itself. These bleeds, or clots, can cause the placenta to separate from the uterine wall if they get too large, if they develop in a bad spot, or if they aren’t eventually reabsorbed.

How common is it? A good 20 percent of pregnant women will experience some kind of bleeding early in pregnancy, though it’s often hard to tell what’s causing the problem. Subchorionic hematomas are even harder to pick up because they don’t always result in noticeable spotting or bleeding, especially when they’re small.

Who is most at risk? There don’t seem to be any specific risk factors for developing a subchorionic hematoma in the first place, but if you do wind up with one, there are factors that can make you more — or less — likely to have a positive outcome.

What are the symptoms? Spotting or bleeding may be a sign, often beginning in the first trimester. But many subchorionic bleeds are detected during a routine ultrasound, without there being any noticeable signs or symptoms.

Should you be concerned? You wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t worry when you see blood, no matter when it occurs in your pregnancy. And that’s actually a good thing, especially if it prompts you to get in touch with your practitioner, who can make sure there’s nothing amiss. While most subchorionic hematomas dissolve on their own, it is possible for the clot to get in between the placenta and the uterine wall, resulting in miscarriage.
 
Here’s the encouraging news: More than half of women who bleed during their first trimester go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies. But because subchorionic hematomas have been linked to increased risk of placental abruption and preterm labor, you don’t want to ignore signs of spotting or bleeding.

What you should do: Call your practitioner; an ultrasound may be ordered to see whether there is indeed a hematoma, how large it is, and where it’s located. Depending on the findings, as well as on your practitioner’s preferences, he or she may put you on strict bed rest, insist you refrain from lifting heavy objects, and avoid exercise. In most cases, you’ll be asked to avoid sexual intercourse until the hematoma dissolves and disappears. 


~Kristen

IVF... and it worked!!

We had our first ultrasound on May 15th. Our little bean had a heartbeat of 118.
A "heartbeat", never have we seen a heartbeat with our other 2 pregnancies. It was an unbelievable feeling. Looking back now, I was still in disbelief at the time. I did not allow myself to be happy. But, dreams really do come true!




~Kristen

Happiness

Whoooooooo Hooooooooo!!!

B is for Beta

Beta Beta Beta

I had my first beta 9dp5dt and it was 81.I could not let myself believe until I knew that next beta number jumped up.My RE scheduled my second one for 4 days later and it rose to........ 409!!!!Your beta should double every two days so mine needed to be at least 324 so, 409 was great. My ultrasound is set for May 15th, By this time we should be able to see/hear a heartbeat. Sometimes, it is too early to hear it but we should be able to see it by then. After 3 years of trying everything (Clomid, Femera, 3 IUI's, IVF, FET & IVF again) we have had two pregnancies but never a heartbeat. A heartbeat means a baby! After seeing a heartbeat the miscarriage rate also drops to only 7%. We need a heartbeat..

Heartbeat, Heartbeat, Heartbeat, Heartbeat, Heartbeat

 

 

IVF, I have a BFP!!

I tested 4dp5dt and got a faint positive, today is 8dp5dt and it is no longer faint!

I guess I am pregnant!! Tomorrow is my first Beta and also marks my pregnancy reaching 4 weeks!! I am ready to hear my beta number and then see it double, this cycle is all about the small victories until we can celebrate the big victory...the heartbeat!! I have tested everyday since 3dp5dt, I like to see the line get darker, so I know my HCG is increasing!!

P.S. My sock exchange buddy told me today that she also got a BFP!!
Today is a good day :)

~Kristen

The woes of two pink lines

Ok now that I have a positive, I am kinda freaking out. But I have to remember, just because I have had two miscarriages in the past year does not mean that mine will end that way again. I have to not let FEAR get a hold on me..

 The next step is testing again to see the line get darker and then my first beta on Friday. I have to celebrate the little wins. This is a WIN! And the line was so early, that means the HCG is strong..that is good. I have the right to enjoy every step of my IVF journey and celebrate every victory.

I need to remember that women have miscarriages and then have a live birth all of the time. This could be my time. Everything I want could be waiting for me
...and I'm ready

~Kristen

Do you see what I see?

IVF women have different views about peeing on a stick. Some prefer to wait and poas the morning of their beta test, others enjoy testing everyday and hopefully seeing the line get darker and darker...I'm one of those. Please see my 4dp5dt test below:

It is quite the SQUINTER of a line. But guess what... any line counts!!!!

Wait, am I pregnant??????!!

IVF, 5 day, Tranfer Day!!!

With my warm socks on my feet sent from my IVF buddy. My RE implanted 2 perfect grade blast. We did Assisted Hatching and you could already see them oozing out. It was a wonderful site to see. The embryos were pictured on an ultrasound and one nurse said, "Oh you're putting in 3 embryos?!" I said that we did assisted hatching so they were already coming out the shell but it really did look like 3...did one split into identical twins during the assisted hatching process?! ahhhh!!! haha just kidding, that's extremely rare. But it was oozing out the shell and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! When they drop into place on the ultrasound... everyone in the room awed. They said that was "a perfect drop". I have such a good feeling this cycle. It took a while to get here but now the calm has set in. Will I pee on a stick? You bet I will!! I feel certain that I will receive a positive, My fresh IVF and my FET  worked for me both times but, both resulted in a miscarriage. We just need to make this one stick!! My RE felt the Assisted Hatching would help them to attach better and deeper. I am still taking my estrogen, the med to lower my prolactin level, my pre-natals and of course my progesterone suppositories. The last 2 cycles, I did the progesterone, 100mg twice a day but because of the miscarriages, this cycle it has been bumped up to 100mg, three times a day.


My call came from the Embryologist the next day. We had 2 perfect little embies to freeze. So now, I am just vegging on the couch until Monday when I head back to work.
Stay tuned for future test results. <3

~chillin Kristen

IVF, 3 day embryo update

Well.... can you hear my sigh of relief? 

The report this morning from our Embryologist was 6 perfect 8 cell embryos with zero fragmentation. You just don't get better than that!!! So today, I will take this one small miracle that has been offered to us and hold it tight. In two days, 2 of those little beauties will be given back to my body. It is such a gift that science has given us the technology to help us become Mother's. Today is a good day and I am thankful!

Thankful for
my wonderful husband
my supportive family
that fact that we can afford to do IVF
my classroom full of Pre-K 4 year olds, that I am missing this week
my fantastic doctor and caring embryologist
face licks from my little doggie
and the soft purr of my kitties laying next to me

Here is info on what a 3 day old embryo should look like.
IVF Quality and Grading of 3 day old embryos



 ~Kristen

IVF... quick update, time for egg retrieval!!

My E2 (Estrogen) level was 5000 Wed. April 10th.
Trigger shot that night at 10:15 pm.
Egg retrieval was Sun. morning 8:15 am. 11 eggs retrieved.
Embryo report Sat. the 13th, 7 mature eggs, 6 fertilized.
Sunday morning report... all 6 look good and on track.

I have had some pain and bloating of course but nothing too awful. Drinking lots and lots of water!!

I wanted a 3 day transfer. Which would put us doing a transfer on Monday. But after speaking with my doctor and directly with the embryologist, looks like our best bet is with a 5 day transfer. This process has worked for us both times; IFV and FET but then I also had a miscarriages both times. I am so worried about having something left to freeze. I have doomed myself before I have even begin. I need to let that go... Of course, it will be, what it will be. I need to take a more positive approach. All of my test have come back normal. NORMAL! (more for my brain, than your info) My doctor assures me that IVF will work for me!

So, now I wait some more... they call every morning with an embryo update. I am taking my steroids, antibiotics, prolactin pills, estrace, baby aspirin, prenatals, extra folic acid and eating a little pineapple core for 5 days.  And I am praying. This needs to work, this has to work!! Please, oh please.... let this work!

If you read this and have a spare moment, send good vibes my way.
Love to everyone going through this extremely stressful way to make a family.
Stay calm and believe!!
 


~waiting on transfer.... Kristen

IVF, Bruises, Hormones, Hives and Tears

This is my second round of IVF and I didn't realize how spoiled I was with the first one because this one is rough on my body! I have been getting side effects from the lupron including fatigue, headaches and hives. The hives are terrible, they swell up for about 3 days so I have to give a shot on top of the hives because we have to rotate sides each night. You can also see the shot marks all over my now swollen stomach...I look like a pin cushion! But we all know, the physical part of this is the easiest, it is the emotional that gets us. My hormones have also been crazy!! This morning my husband said, "babe why are you about to cry?"... I just said, "I don't know...why not?!" Waaaa!!! HAHAHA. This is quite a journey ladies. So remind your husband that your hormones are crazy and remind yourself that your hormones are crazy. But this too will pass... so just focus on your next appointment and being able to see all your follicles growing strong and know that is is okay to cry and to be scared but also be hopeful and have faith. My Mom always says that we need to focus on the small victories during this process to get us through. So I will celebrate my 21 growing follicles and my great estrogen level and just be thankful that I have the opportunity to do invitro because not everyone does.

~Kristen

IVF, time for Stimming!

We had our "Stim Start" last Monday. This means that we are now having 3 shots a night: Lupron, Follistim and Menopur. The follistim and the Menopur is what makes the follicles grow and makes our eggs. At my clinic when you start stimming, you go to the doctor every 3 days the first week. You get bloodwork and ultrasound done to check your estrogen levels and that you have follicles growing, depending on these results your dose can be lowered, increased or can remain the same.

I went to my RE on Wednesday and already had 21 follicles!!! :) Yay! Please remember that your follicles have to mature to a certain number to be viable so just because you have 21 follicles does not mean you will have 21 eggs to fertilize. My estrogen number needed to be between 200 and 400 and mine was 311 so my medication dose remained the same and my nurse said that I was responding beautifully to my meds.

I have to say, going to the doctor really helps. It shows you that you have follicles and reminds you why you are doing all of this. We are making a baby... So try to forget about your swelling stomach and how crazy these hormones are making you and say...we are making a baby :)

Here is a Video of my husband mixing the 3 medications:

Mixing Lupron, Follistim and Menopur 

 

And one day, I hope to look like this!! 

 

 

~Kristen

IVF, Infertility Sucks!

-You have been betrayed by your own body
-I feel broken inside
-It changes you
-You plan, you fail, you plan again, you fail 
-Fear of the "what if", what if it never happens
-Seeing a newborn now causes you pain
-Every month, you die a little inside
-My life is medication, appointments and shots
-You cry tears of broken dreams
-You pray 
-You WAIT, you wait to start meds, you wait to see if the follicles are growing, you wait to see how many eggs they retrieved, you wait to see if they fertilized, you wait to see if they are growing and dividing normally, you wait for the transfer day, you wait to see if it worked this time, you wait to see if you miscarry again...

Then you take a deep breath, hold your head up high
And try to be strong yet again

But, when my life feels beyond hard, I hold the hand of the person that loves me most
And I am thankful



~Kristen

My IVF "sock exchange" package

On Egg Retrieval day, we are so hyped up on hormones and just a wee bit emotional. LOL!! It is such a stressful day... will we have enough eggs, will they be mature, will they fertilize, will they continue to grow? While putting on your hospital gown, you are a ball of nerves. Praying that you did everything right and praying that this is the the next step to finally having your dream come true. Since the only thing we can control that day is what to wear on our feet, my online IVF group decided to do a "sock exchange" this is the package I received today from my new friend :)

 

I feel so very blessed! Thank you Crystal, you made my day! 

Check out my video below:

I got mail!!! :)

On a side note, "they" whoever "they" are have said, keeping your feet warm may help with implantation. Trust me... we listen to everything "they" say!! Because we will do anything in our power to help our dream come true!

~Kristen

IVF, Believe in Miracles

The moment you're ready to quit is usually the moment right before the miracle happens. 

Working on my miracle...

Don't give up!

~ hopeful Kristen

Lupron Day Start; IVF Cycle 2

Today I had my first ultrasound and lab appointment for our 3rd try at IVF. If you are new here, here is a quick breakdown of our baby journey so far... (multiple failed clomid cycles, 3 failed IUIs, a fresh IVF cycle that ended in a MC at 8 weeks and a FET cycle that ended in a miscarriage at 4 weeks.) Everything is ready to start again, today is Lupron Day 1! I am going to try and document this cycle more because I have to do things differently. So this cycle I am trying everything :) I am also going to really try to eat better and exercise. Diet can effect fertility, I am staying away from overly processed food and focusing more on a low carb/low sugar diet. Not to mention Water, Water, Water and more Water!!! Also exercise will get my blood flowing which will hopefully help my uterine lining to grow nice and thick. I will also start my baby aspirin today. I have already been taking prenatals with DHEA, folic acid, Vitamin D and CoQ 10. 

Check out my videos below 

I'm filming it on my phone so the quality is not the best but it gets the point across ;)

Preparing lupron

Lupron injection 1

After everything we have been through, it does feel like the world is shouting "no".
But today we start over again!! For a dream, a whisper, a tug at our hearts.
Wishing everyone a little........ HOPE! <3


~Kristen

Third time is the charm..right guys?!

Hello all, long time no write

It is that time again... Invitro time. This will be my second IVF cycle and my third cycle in all, including a frozen cycle. Last year in April I did my first IVF cycle and now in April this year, I will be doing my second IVF cycle.

I went in today and talked to my RE; my protocol for IVF #2 will change in the doses of medicine (since last time I made 27 eggs and was extremely overstimulated) and this time, they will be performing assistant hatching on my embryos. I looked up assistant hatching today online but this is how my RE explained it. My embryos are implanting and I am getting pregnant, I am just not staying pregnant. Assisted hatching will remove the outer layer of the embryo to hopefully help it implant better which will hopefully make it stick. I asked my RE if he could squirt some super glue in there before the embryo transfer but he didnt think that was a good idea ;)

I start my follistim on March 25th and stimming on April 1st

I feel surprisingly optimistic since nothing has ever been found to cause our infertility and I am getting pregnant but miscarrying; I just feel like it is a numbers game at this point. It is just how many times will it take before it works and sticks?? Sooner or later it will stay... so now we just hope that is it sooner and not later

Will will beat the dreaded "Infertility Monster"!

~Kristen

IVF, Miscarriage #2

I started spotting on Thursday and it felt like my world was ending. My beta numbers had been so high that I thought maybe I was having two. Which gave us twice the chance to end up with one baby. We went for an ultrasound on Monday and it showed that there was still a baby in there, we did another beta and the number had dropped. I stopped all my progesterone and estrogen and had a natural miscarriage at home. And now I am trying to just survive every day and not feel like all hope is lost. With my first miscarriage, I could make excuses on why it didn't work and still be hopeful to try again but after the second one...I am pretty terrified that it will never work. The feeling is overwhelming, it is effecting every aspect of my life. I am sad, very very sad. I feel like I'm hitting rock bottom, which is hard for me because I am such a positive person. And now, I just want this to be over. I was so motivated to do whatever it took for us to have our baby and now I am just ready to stop obsessing about this everyday. I can't imagine how it would feel to have a month that isn't disappointing. For the past 2 1/2 years, I have had hope and got let down every single month. It is truly emotionally exhausting. In my state, you cannot adopt locally until you've been married for 3 years, you can only do an overseas adoption. I never thought I would feel like this, I thought I would fight to the end and never give up but I just want a baby, a baby to love and give my everything to, i am just so ready. I am just feeling lost and sad and terrified that we will do invitro again and get the same devastating result. I have an appointment with my RE on December 19 to discuss our next step, which we have decided to spend another $14, 000 and do invitro again. I just can't imagine if I end up having another miscarriage, or how I am suppose to survive if this happens again...but I can't give up yet on having my own baby... I won't give up yet. The only thing to do when you have reached rock bottom, is to pick yourself up. I am ready to pick myself up...

~Kristen

IVF, FET.... Betas and Spotting

I had my first beta at 12 days past 5 day transfer and it was 388. My second beta was 14 days past 5 day transfer and it was 847 and my third beta was 16 days past 5 day transfer and was 2073. So each time it is doubling plus some, which means that i should be celebrating. I should be dancing in the street, eating cake and planning where the baby bed can go because those are some kick ass beta numbers!!!! But with me, nothing can ever be easy when it comes to baby making right?? On Thursday I had some cramping and when i got home I had some spotting. I called my RE and was obviously terrified and requested another beta. Since my second beta was so good, they hadn't scheduled me for a third one. So I went on Friday morning and got my third beta of 2073. I asked her if I should be worried about the spotting and she said no that it was very common with IVF pregnancies and that my beta number was excellent.  So why the hell do I have bleeding with a beta of 2073?! Today is Sunday night and I have had spotting everyday since Thursday, not alot, maybe a few times a day...and I just don't know what to think.. I am one of those people who likes to do research so I have been doing research and found that 20-30% of pregnancies have bleeding within the first trimester. ALSO... It is very common for someone who is pregnant with multiples to have bleeding in their first trimester since the uterus is stretching more for two babies. I can't deny that it hasn't crossed my mind that I might have twins since my beta numbers were on the higher side. One moment I feel like everything is fine and its just a little spotting and the next moment I think i'm kidding myself because any bleeding during pregnancy cannot be good. So now I wait. I'm going to call the RE again tomorrow and have them reassure me that this is common and that I should not be panicking...because I am panicking!!! I am going to ask for an ultrasound but i know that they will say that it is too early. My first ultrasound is set for November 14th but I can't imagine waiting that long for some answers. Please keep me and my maybe baby in your prayers. I just want this so bad...so extremely bad. I cannot imagine having another miscarriage. I just can't. I need this to work for my sanity and my marriage and my life. Please oh please...let me stay pregnant.

~Kristen

My first beta...

When i first did IVF in May, my first beta was taken 14 days past 5 day transfer and it was 80. Today was my first beta after my FET and it was 12 days after 5 day transfer and it was 388!!!!!! Wow!!! Naturally I am extremely nervous about this pregnancy since I just had a miscarriage 4 months ago but man, that's a good number. I just want to let myself be happy and excited about this pregnancy. I am so envious of those women who take a home pregnancy test, get a positive and just announce it to the world with no worries at all. With my last pregnancy, I was cautious about letting myself get excited and prepared myself for the possibility of the worst and then the worst happen. And it was nice to be mentally prepared so I wasn't devastated into a deep depression but damn, I just want to be happy this time...I don't want to think about the worst. So, i decided that I am just going to be happy and enjoy the moment because right now in this moment.. I AM PREGNANT and I got a great beta today and after all of this, I deserve to be happy :) I searched for what hcg levels should be in what week and found this chart, hope it helps if anyone is wondering for their own number. Today I am 4 weeks 3 days. I found this website that can calculate expected due date for IVF/FET pregnancies:
~Kristen

http://www.ivf-infertility.com/calc_preg.php

We'll know the truth in 3 minutes time, we are just sitting around waiting on two pink lines...

I had my frozen embryo transfer last Wednesday, October 17th. I wasn't sure when i should do a home pregnancy test, the pressure of two lines is almost too much to bear. I tested on 7dp5dt and got a BFP! Or really..a squinter of a line, but remember that any second line counts!!!! I tested again on 8dp5dt and it was darker and again on 9dp5dt and it was darker again. So hcg is increasing everyday, first good sign :)

Everyone is different. Some like to test everyday after transfer and some wait for a blood pregnancy test. Do whatever is right for you. I had googled forums and some people had said that they saw a bfp on 7 days past but most said 10 days past transfer. I was having some symptoms so I just had to test and of course, I'm glad i did. Next step is beta on Monday. The first beta just needs to show a positive then the next one is important because whatever the number is, it needs to go up 40%. I am so terrified and so hopeful. Please God, please...let this one stick
~Happy Kristen!

That's the thing about the day before your life changes forever...it feels like any other day

I had two frozen embryos left from my IVF procedure in May. The process of a frozen embryo transfer is so much more relaxed than invitro. There is not a process of making the eggs so no shots are needed which means no overstimulation. I had to take estrogen pills for two weeks then progesterone for 4 days before the transfer then steroids for four days after and estrogen and progesterone for the next ten days until the blood pregnancy test.  My frozen embryo transfer was last Wednesday on the 17th (which was the 3 year anniversary of our engagement..good juju right?!) My blood pregnancy test is scheduled for October 27th, which is 10 days past transfer. After a miscarriage in July, we really want this to work or should I say.. We really need this to work. My sanity needs this to work.  I of course, googled FET and found very high success rates and also that taking progesterone before the transfer makes the uterine lining sticky and ready for implantation. Google very seldom makes you feel better but i tried to only find accurate and successful information to keep my spirits up.  I felt confident but having infertility makes you feel like getting pregnant is nearly impossible so you say you are trying to be positive but its pretty difficult. Along with my other medications I have also been taking baby aspirin, prenatal vitamins and vitamin D all month. My transfer was on the Wednesday, I stayed in the bed Wednesday and Thursday and sat on the couch doing work Friday. Now comes the big question.. when to do my home pregnancy test? If you do it too early and its negative, its tough to mentally understand that it could still be too early. After IVF last time I tested 11dp5dt and it was positive and I kept thinking that if I would've  tested sooner than i could've known sooner! So now its been 5dp5dt and I'm still trying to stay positive..to just think positive, the mind is a powerful thing. And one minute I feel like this has to work, this is the plan..and then the next minute I am terrified that I will never have my own children. I feel like I could have some pregnancy symptoms: breast tenderness, sore lower back, smelling everything and even throwing up from a smell today. But as infertility women know, again, the mind is a powerful thing and I never trust my symptoms because so many times in the past it has been nothing. And so now I wait, I wait and wonder...will one day this week be the last day before my life changes forever? because today feels like any other day..

She turned her can'ts into cans and her dreams into plans

I called my RE today and they are in the middle of a FET/IVF cycle now and there will not be another one until January. But since i start my period in a week, i can still make this cycle. THANK GOD! I can't imagine having to wait until January...i would be crushed. I will call next week when my period starts to begin my birth control. I'm ready to make this work! I have heard good things about the success rate of Frozen Embryo Transfers and my friend even sent me this link to an article saying that Frozen Embryos may result in healthier babies

http://m.guardian.co.uk/science/2012/sep/04/ivf-embryos-frozen-healthier-babies?cat=science&type=article

FET, Frozen Embryo Transfer Time

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When im at the grocery store or the park or an LSU game or just about anywhere and I see a young family, I can’t help but to imagine how my own family will be one day. My battle with infertility makes so many things difficult. There is no trying to plan the right time to have a baby, no being able to make a baby by just having a pure intimate moment with my husband or having the wonderful surprise of a missed period that results in something magical that can change your life forever. My life takes doctors, medications, appointments and a lot of money. And to this day, there is still no baby. But there is still hope. I know that no matter when or how that moment will finally come, I will be one hell of a Mom. My Husband and I have such an amazing and strong relationship, the idea of raising a child together to be half of each of us is such a mesmerizing thought. I cannot wait to have that experience with him. He is the most amazing man I have ever met and I know with all my heart that he will also be the best dad I’ve ever known. I’m ready to have a baby for so many reasons and I cannot wait until I have my own little family.  And at the end of this month, I will begin the process to have my frozen embryo transfer and I pray with all my heart that I will finally have my miracle. I am ready to see my husband as a Father and to finally be a Mother and to have our happy ending that completes us. I only have two frozen embryos, so I need it to work. Please work!!!! Pray with me people, i need it! ;)

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. -Eleanor Roosevelt

Life is good again. Not great but its easier to enjoy the little things. I am trying to track my ovulation which who knows if that is a good thing or a bad thing because it leads to many questions. Can I even track my ovulation? Is tracking my ovulation going to make me crazy because why would there be any chance that i could just get pregnant on my own now? Or is it making it better because it reminds me of when we first got married? That was before the word "infertility" was in my life. Before i was a human encyclopedia of definitions and statistics based on age and fertility. It was the beginning and it was full of hopes and dreams that had yet to be crushed by infertility. No IVF, no injections, no IUI, no femera, no clomid. Just a thermometer, ovulation detections strips and a lot of sex. This week has been like the old days, when my biggest fertility worry was trying to decide if my ovulation strip line is dark enough to call ovulation and hoping that maybe it is. It feels good to hope and dream again. Even though i will always remain cautious because of past events. But a little dreaming is better than none at all. Dreaming is a luxury that infertility takes from you. It takes your hopes and dreams and makes you doubt everything. It makes planning seem impossible, because "we might have a baby by then". But i wont let it win, I will continue to dream and we will get our family. I am a dreamer but I'm not the only one.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
 -Eleanor Roosevelt

 Dream a little dream for me...

IVF Back up Plan-Frozen Embryo Transfer

I'm finding out that time might not heal all but it does seem to be helping. Each day gets a little bit easier and it really helps to keep myself busy. And now for our back up plan. We have two frozen embryos from our last invitro cycle. The statistics for a frozen embryo transfer (FET) seems to be just as good as invitro (depending on age and egg quality of course). With FET, you can either do a medicated or non-medicated cycle. My doctor does medicated cycles unless you request a non-medicated one, a FET with a medicated cycle is the more aggressive approach. I will of course do a medicated cycle, this will involve lupron, steroids, estrogen and progesterone. So a FET cycle is like a mini IVF cycle. My RE says that my body needs to rest from my last IVF and miscarriage but we can do the FET in a few months. So I will call in August and tell them I'm ready! The worst thing about a miscarriage is that you want to be pregnant again NOW and with infertility that isn't really an option. So now we wait...

Our love keeps me going

Our wedding video montage. It is amazing how our love grows everyday and we become stronger as a couple through every struggle and with every victory. I could not survive without him. My rock.

click the link below:

TIM HEBERT BLOG: Kristen + Dustin HIGHLIGHTS:

IVF, Miscarriage is a four letter word

I had an appointment with my regular obgyn on Tuesday. We weren't sure how far along I was so they said they would do an ultrasound so they could start my pregnancy file and give me a due date. I was so excited to be at my normal obgyn, i finally got here, i finally felt like just a normal pregnancy patient and not a infertility patient.  My mom was with me and we couldn't wait to be able to get an ultrasound. We talked about how we wanted them to do one for a week before the appointment. She didn't get to see the baby yet and I really wanted to hear the heartbeat to finally get a little relief. I had no idea that this ultrasound would change everything. No heartbeat. I should have been measuring 8weeks3days but I was only measuring 6weeks2days. My baby stopped growing, i had a miscarriage.

I chose to have a d and c. I couldn't imagine having to bleed my baby out in the toilet and the thought of our baby falling into the toilet was more than my husband could bear. I had my d and c this morning. It is impossible to describe the feeling of losing a pregnancy. One minute i was about to see my baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound and watch all my dreams really be true and the next minute...it is all over. I have no baby. I had been walking around for 2 weeks with no baby. I thought of all the times we laughed and talked to the baby in my belly, how we fought over names and the sex we wanted. And my favorite thing was my husband kissing my belly when we were laying together or when he would leave the house for work. It was finally real, we would be a family. All of a sudden, i am not pregnant. I think the hardest thing was seeing my husband so devastated, i feel like my body let him down, I feet like I let him down. We were finally letting ourselves be excited and i couldn't stop imagining how beautiful our baby would be. I couldn't wait to see what our combined genes would create. But now it is just gone.

We are getting through this together and will not let any tragedy, no matter how devastating, tear us apart. We will get through this together. And we will not give up. Atleast i know now that i can get pregnant, we will not stop until our miracle baby comes through. To anyone that has had a miscarriage, i'm so sorry. It is hard to believe that all this pain is part of God's plan but we will not lose faith and neither should you. Don't give up ladies, we will do everything we can to control our own destiny and make our dreams come true. We will be Moms and create the family we deserve. Believe in miracles <3

Ultrasound day

The ultrasound tech was out for the day so my RE did the scan. I really like the ultrasound tech, she is amazing. She always explains everything and is so knowledgeable. It was nice for my RE to be there to do it, you can tell that he gets involved in the process and really enjoys happy endings. After IVF, you have an ultrasound very early on, this is to see how many babies are there (since most people transfer more than one embryo) and to ensure that everything looks like it has implanted and is growing successfully. I am not sure how far along I am at this point, i think when he measured the crown to rump, the screen said 5 weeks 4 days. He said it was probably too early to find the heartbeat and was right. He said it was like trying to find a heartbeat on a grain of rice. He did say that the yolk sac, and my lining looked excellent. There is this wall that makes a circle around the baby and mine was thick and strong. He said this was the cushion that protected the baby so it was very important that it looked strong and that is the things he looks for most at this stage. I go back in two weeks to hear the heartbeat then i get released to my normal obgyn. At this point, it still doesn't feel real. Every now and then i will stop and think about it and the thought is overwhelming. To think that it worked, i have a baby growing in my belly...it's just amazingly beautiful. I keep praying that the baby will continue to grow and become our healthy, perfect child. I will feel better when it is 12 weeks and the miscarriage rate drops 80%. I guess i feel like since it was so hard to get pregnant then why would my pregnancy not be hard also? I know, realistically, that there is no relation between the two. I just continue to pray and I let myself imagine this working. I imagine how amazing it will feel to grow my child in my belly. A child that is half mine and half the man who is my best friend, that we will each be half of a human being. I cry a lot, just thinking how wonderful it will be to have our own family :) Ultrasound in 2 weeks, i'm ready to hear a heartbeat, i think that will make me feel more confident and maybe give me some peace of mind. Thank you Lord for my miracle. I thank you everyday.

Tips to help you get pregnant!

Are you trying to get pregnant? Here are some tips I have learned along the way.

Take a baby aspirin everyday. It is supposed to help your lining thicken up and the baby stick. Reasons to use Baby Aspirin if you are trying to conceive.

Eat a pineapple core during the 5 after ovulation. Cut it into 5 pieces and eat a piece everyday. Pineapple core for implantation.

Have your Prolactin levels checked? Everything we went through.. this was not done until I hit the RE. My levels were too high and that could have been one of my problems all along. Prolactin levels and Infertility
Prolactin doesn't just cause your body to increase milk production - it also affects your ovulation and menstrual cycles. (This is why women who are breastfeeding rarely get pregnant). Prolactin inhibit two hormones necessary for ovulation: follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) and gonadotropin releasing hormone (GnRH). When you have high levels of prolactin in your blood (a condition called hyperprolactinemia), you will not ovulate and this will result in infertility. This anovulation can also cause you to have irregular cycles.


Take at least 1000 mg of Vitamin D3 everyday!!!! Sometimes this is all you need!
"Having enough vitamin D circulating through your system can increase your chances of fertility whether you’re struggling with poly cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), lack of ovulation or general fertility problems. This “hormone” also plays a role in male reproduction. Both sperm motility and production are increased when levels of vitamin D are normal. SO get your men tested too- as we all know it takes two to tango (so to speak)." Vitamin D

They also have Fertility Vitamins! I have a friend that could not conceive  even after injectables and multiple IUI's, after being on only the vitamins for 2 months she is expecting.<3 (i think she took both)
Fertility Blend or Fertility Plus or FertilAid

Start taking your prenatal vitamins now.

Hope this was useful. :)
~Kristen

IVF Works!!

Latest Beta number in.... we had a Big Jump to 749!! (I can breathe)
Ultrasound is set for next week. Ready to see our little bean. <3

Beta Numbers

IVF Beta Numbers, the good, the bad, the heck if I know!

My first beta number came back at 80, got the call and its official... I am Pregnant! We have waited so very long to hear those words. I cannot believe that those words are real. The Charting everyday, then Clomid, then Femara, next the IUI's, then finally IVF.

I found this great site to give you incite into beta numbers. 16 days past ovulation and hcg numbers. BUT remember that when they test you after IUI or IVF, it will be earlier than a women that would have normally missed her period so the number will most probably be lower than the first number on the chart. It seems there is no right or wrong. Every woman will have different numbers, i have found numerous articles that say not to obsess over these numbers. (Obviously we obsess about every little thing at this point but they say to try not too).

So my next two betas were not as good as the doctor would have liked to have seen. He said since it was still early on, it shouldn't double but atleast increase by 60%. My second beta increased by about 40% and my third increased by 60%. Am I worried.... I am terrified. I know they have to prepare you for the worst just incase but I would like to not spend every minute of my day worried that my next beta won't be high enough and my miracle will be over.  I go back Tuesday for another one. The numbers always went up, never down. And by the info from the link above, I should be fine. I also found out that dehydration can effect the hcg levels and I have most certainly been dehydrated.

But as of now, I am pregnant. I keep telling myself, I am pregnant. I have a little sesame seed growing inside of me. I hope and pray that it stays there safe and sound. I am still trying not to get too excited or plan too much imaging what my beautiful family will look like and feel like. My Husband is getting so excited too, which makes me feel even more pressure to keep this baby growing inside me (like i have any control) but it still feels like my job and I would be letting everyone down. I am so very thankful for my miracle and now i just wait for my happy ending. Beta in two days...think high numbers!!!

IVF, Am I pregnant?

I decided that i had to try and go to work, only to throw up  numerous times before I left home and twice when I got there, I had to sit with the trash can next to me. Finally, I had to give up and come home. Well at the time, I didn't know it was the OHSS symptoms, the fluid is pressing on all of my organs which was causing me to keep having to throw up. So when I got home, I gave in and peed on a stick, I thought maybe this could be morning sickness? Before i took the test I kept telling myself..its still too early..its still too early...don't be disappointed.  It was instant, there were two pink lines! It was Positive! I just kept saying "I never had two lines before, i never had two lines before". Me, my mom and sister were crying and i kept repeating, "its two, i've never seen two lines before". I said "I have to tell Dustin". We all piled into the car and drove so I could show Dustin while he was at work, I called him to come outside and tried to act normal...then i showed him the test :) My sister video taped the whole thing.

IVF Overstimulation is Horrible!

So it turns out that I have Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome.

~Symptoms
"Symptoms are set into 3 categories: mild, moderate, and severe. Mild symptoms include abdominal bloating and feeling of fullness, nausea, diarrhea, and slight weight gain. Moderate symptoms include excessive weight gain (weight gain of greater than 2 pounds per day), increased abdominal girth, vomiting, diarrhea, darker urine and less in amount, excessive thirst, and skin and/or hair feeling dry (in addition to mild symptoms). Severe symptoms are fullness/bloating above the waist, shortness of breath,pleural effusion, urination significantly darker or has ceased, calf and chest pains, marked abdominal bloating or distention, and lower abdominal pains (in addition to mild and moderate symptoms).

~Complications
Symptoms generally resolve in 1 to 2 weeks, but will be more severe and persist longer if pregnancy occurs. This is due to human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) from the pregnancy acting on the corpus luteum in the ovaries in sustaining the pregnancy before the placenta has fully developed. Typically, even in severe OHSS with a developing pregnancy, the duration does not exceed the first trimester."

~Treatment
Treatment of OHSS depends on the severity of the hyperstimulation. Mild OHSS can be treated conservatively with monitoring of abdominal girth, weight, and discomfort on an outpatient basis until either conception or menstruation occurs. Conception can cause mild OHSS to worsen in severity.
Moderate OHSS is treated with bed rest, fluids, and close monitoring of labs such as electrolytes and blood counts. Ultrasound may be used to monitor the size of ovarian follicles. Depending on the situation, a physician may closely monitor a patient's fluid intake and output on an outpatient basis, looking for increased discrepancy in fluid balance (over 1 liter discrepancy is cause for concern). Resolution of the syndrome is measured by decreasing size of the follicular cysts on 2 consecutive ultrasounds.
Aspiration of accumulated fluid (ascites) from the abdominal/pleural cavity may be necessary, as well as opioids for the pain. If the OHSS develops within an IVF protocol, it can be prudent to postpone transfer of the pre-embryos since establishment of pregnancy can lengthen the recovery time or contribute to a more severe course. Over time, if carefully monitored, the condition will naturally reverse to normal - so treatment is typically supportive, although patient may need to be treated or hospitalized for pain, paracentesis, and/or intravenous hydration.


I have not been able to return to work, I can't even wear my normal clothes. I look like I am about 5 moths pregnant and it is all fluid. I am weak, I can't breath and it is painful. They have drained the fluid from around my ovaries twice. The relief is instant but gosh.... it is a painful procedure to go through! I was told to eat salty food and drink sports drinks.

So, the good news is it goes away on it's own, eventually!!(I'm still waiting)

IVF Transfer Day!!!

It's transfer day!! (Saturday 4-28-12) This is the moment...the moment i have not only been working towards for the past two months but this procedure has always been in the back of my mind as what it would take to work...IVF had to work. I woke up that morning and got ready to be at the hospital for 8:15. My husband and I were very worried that they might not do the transfer since I was still throwing up and feeling so terrible. I arrived at the hospital, checked in and and got into my gown. I told all the nurses about how sick i had been and they just kept moving forward with the process so i just prayed that i would please just not throw up at the hospital...i just had to feel okay for the next hour to get my transfer. The problem was that i needed a full bladder so i had to drink a lot of water and at this point, i could not even keep water down so i was trying to force myself to keep sipping. My RE and embryologist came in and showed me a picture of the 2 blastocyst they were going to be transferring. They were beautiful. They were perfect. They were mine. They grade embryos from 1-4 and from A-D. My grade for both was 1AA, which is the highest grade so i could not have asked for more perfect embryos. For some reason, this gave me a sense of pride...it was my job to grow the eggs and i did a great job. At least i could do something right to help us conceive, i had done my part with all of the shots and medication and it was worth it. We signed the consent form saying that we wanted to transfer 2 embryos and then i took my Valium. I don't know if it was the Valium or the rush from my transfer but as soon as they wheeled me in, i felt so much better. Dustin was all dressed up and by my side to see our babies put in my uterus. I was not too surprised to hear that my bladder was not even close to full so they had to insert a catheter and fill my bladder (very, very uncomfortable) and now it was time. Dustin and I watched in awe as we saw the embryos being dropped in place and just like that I'm PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise). They emptied my bladder then wheeled me back to my room where i had to lay for 30 minutes. I was told to stay on bed rest for at least 24 hours. And now... we wait.

Retrieval week sickness :(

I had my IVF egg retrieval on Monday and i didn't feel that terrible after. I had some severe cramping but that was about it. I was taking Tylenol every 4 hours and using my heating pad around the clock. On Wednesday, I started to go down hill fast. From Wednesday to Saturday i felt like i was dying. I was cramping, throwing up, extremely weak, dizzy and wanted to cry. I couldn't keep anything down but then again was weak from the lack of food and water..it was an endless cycle. My husband was very worried and kept telling me to call the doctor saying, "this can't be normal". And yes, i was also thinking that this could not be normal but I was afraid that if they knew how sick I was that they wouldn't do my transfer and everything would be wasted...no fresh embryo cycle..just a frozen cycle in a few months. That idea was an even worse feeling then my sickness. I called my RE on Thursday and they called me in some prescription nausea medicine that they prescribe to chemo patients. They wanted me to call back the next day and update them before my transfer because they wouldn't want to do the transfer if i was throwing up since i wasn't suppose to be straining after. My RE's office closes at noon on Fridays. I called at 10:30 and was pleased to say that i had not thrown up again since yesterday, my transfer appointment was set for 8:15 the next morning...this was going to happen. I wish i felt good enough to enjoy that feeling, that afternoon i started throwing up again...now i just prayed that i would feel better for my transfer day tomorrow, the moment i had been waiting for all this time.

Day 3-5 embryo status

On day 3, your embryos should be at least an 8 cell. My embryologist said that i have twelve that are between 8 and 10 cells and two that are 6-8 cells. So i still have 14 great embryos that are right on track. The fourth day, they leave them in the incubator all day and they develop into a "Morula".

I am having a fifth day transfer and it should be developed into a blastocyst by that time. The blastocyst will shoot out of its cell and implant on day 5 or 6. So my RE says that the embryo could implant as early as the day of the transfer. CRAAAZZYYYY

Hope and Faith

At this point in the process, i have very strange feelings. I was doing shots and involved in making my follicles grow but now they have grown and my eggs have been retrieved. And now i just wait. I feel like i have no more control and that is hard for me. Now everyone says, it is all about having faith. And i do have faith but a part of me thinks, God has so much going on, does he really concern himself with little ole me in Louisiana..? But another part of me truly believes that there is a plan for everyone that is already planned out. And having kids has to be part of my plan. I don't really feel like i do or do not have faith at this point..Its a weird feeling. I just feel like I'm waiting, waiting on his plan to unfold and wishing with everything that i am that this is our time. I guess that is faith. I have faith that this will happen eventually, and i just really hope that time is now. I hope our embryos are strong and that they implant successfully. I hope that i am finally done with this battle of infertility and i can finally be at peace with knowing that i will be a Mom. But another part of me feels so guilty for wanting this so badly, he has already blessed me with so much, i almost feel selfish..like why is it not enough? This process is physical but the emotional is so much worse. It makes you doubt everything and most of all yourself. Sometimes i feel like infertility is a punishment, like i did something to deserve this. Except i know that i didn't, i am a very nice and caring person to everyone I meet. I teach children everyday. I do deserve this..none of this makes sense. Which i guess is where faith comes in..to believe in the possibility that this will come true, having faith that God knows me and how much we want children and will give me that opportunity because he loves me. Is hope the same thing as faith?

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope." -Jeremiah 29:11

2-5 cell embryos

My IVF embryologist called and said that my embryos were right on track. They have started to divide and are 2-5 cells. I looked it up and that is exactly where they should be. My babies are growing...

My embryologist called!

My embryologist called this morning with an update on my eggs!! I wasn't sure what time she would call and i knew getting back in touch with her would be difficult so i woke up at 7:45 waiting for the call. And thankfully she called at 8:28. Out of my 27 eggs, 20 were mature and 17 fertilized successfully!!! 17 eggs growing!! OMG!! Those are some great numbers. Through this process my RE wouldn't give me an exact number of how many follicles i had because he didn't want me to expect them all to mature so i had no idea that my egg numbers would be so amazing!! She said with my age and all my levels being as great as they have been that she doesn't think anything will go wrong and i should have a 5 day transfer. So now i wait for her call again tomorrow and she will tell me how they fast they are multiplying and then at the end of these 5 days, she will tell me their final grade. I'm excited but I'm also freaking out. All this work and now we are here, my babies are growing and i really really need them to stick!! I need this to work. I am ready for my IVF miracle!!!! Please God, I'm ready.

27 Eggs!!!

My IVF journey continues.. 
I had my egg retrieval yesterday morning and let me just say that i was terrified!! I never had an i.v. or anesthesia before and i was not sure what to expect. And of course, it wasn't bad at all. The nurse was amazing and the i.v. went in great then we sat and waited for our turn in the surgical room. I remembered being wheeled into the surgical room and walking to a table and putting my feet in the stirrups, then the anesthesiologist said he would give me something to feel relaxed but not to fall asleep yet and i don't remember one thing after that until i woke up back in my room. The procedure took about 25 minutes to complete.  My husband said that i was already in my room for about 20 minutes but i don't remember any of that time. He said that with all those drugs i seemed wasted and that it was hilarious. He said that i asked how many eggs we got and he said 27. And then i said, "27 holy shit, that's a lot. Give me five mouther fucka". Yeah..i do not usually talk like that and this was with the Dr and Nurses still in there. (had to be the drugs)  Haha. At least we have something to laugh about, we always have something to laugh about :) We have been working for this moment for over a month, the egg retrieval, and i had 27 eggs....hell yeah!!!!!!

No more shots!!

I went into my Re's office on Friday for bloodwork and an ultrasound. They found 11 mature follicles on my left side and my right side had a lot of follicles that were close to being mature (between 14 and 16). The nurse said that I already had 11 mature follicles but since i had so many that were close to be usable that they really wanted me to go another night on just menopur and lupron. She said that they wanted to be greedy and I did too. I went back on Saturday for another ultrasound and bloodwork. The technician was doing my ultrasound while the RE was sitting in. She started to say numbers 17, 19, 19, 20, 19, 18..then she looked at my RE and said, this is her right side. That one more night is what i needed to have mature follicles on both sides! They were very content with my numbers but since i have so many mature follicles, I will most certainly have mild OHSS. They gave me a prescription (dostinex) to fill that I will start taking the night of my retrieval that said that i must drink water, Gatorade and eat sodium. I have to drink all day and I can't stop until my blood pregnancy test. I am set to have my egg retrieval on Monday morning and i must arrive at the hospital at 7:15. I had to do my trigger shot last night (Saturday) at 8:45, this is very crucially timed. And now i wait. My RE said he would give me an egg count after my procedure on Monday and that the embryologist will give me a call the next day with updates on my eggs. I am set to have a 5 day transfer, if all goes as planned. It is time. I am nervous about the procedure tomorrow. I am very glad that i will have anesthesia but i am nervous about the process. They said that it goes really quick and that as soon as I'm under, it feels like i wake up. I have endured all of the shots and now there is just one more thing before i can relax, have my transfer and wait my two weeks. Baby Dust.