I had an appointment with my regular obgyn on Tuesday. We weren't sure how far along I was so they said they would do an ultrasound so they could start my pregnancy file and give me a due date. I was so excited to be at my normal obgyn, i finally got here, i finally felt like just a normal pregnancy patient and not a infertility patient. My mom was with me and we couldn't wait to be able to get an ultrasound. We talked about how we wanted them to do one for a week before the appointment. She didn't get to see the baby yet and I really wanted to hear the heartbeat to finally get a little relief. I had no idea that this ultrasound would change everything. No heartbeat. I should have been measuring 8weeks3days but I was only measuring 6weeks2days. My baby stopped growing, i had a miscarriage.
I chose to have a d and c. I couldn't imagine having to bleed my baby out in the toilet and the thought of our baby falling into the toilet was more than my husband could bear. I had my d and c this morning. It is impossible to describe the feeling of losing a pregnancy. One minute i was about to see my baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound and watch all my dreams really be true and the next minute...it is all over. I have no baby. I had been walking around for 2 weeks with no baby. I thought of all the times we laughed and talked to the baby in my belly, how we fought over names and the sex we wanted. And my favorite thing was my husband kissing my belly when we were laying together or when he would leave the house for work. It was finally real, we would be a family. All of a sudden, i am not pregnant. I think the hardest thing was seeing my husband so devastated, i feel like my body let him down, I feet like I let him down. We were finally letting ourselves be excited and i couldn't stop imagining how beautiful our baby would be. I couldn't wait to see what our combined genes would create. But now it is just gone.
We are getting through this together and will not let any tragedy, no matter how devastating, tear us apart. We will get through this together. And we will not give up. Atleast i know now that i can get pregnant, we will not stop until our miracle baby comes through. To anyone that has had a miscarriage, i'm so sorry. It is hard to believe that all this pain is part of God's plan but we will not lose faith and neither should you. Don't give up ladies, we will do everything we can to control our own destiny and make our dreams come true. We will be Moms and create the family we deserve. Believe in miracles <3
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