Showing posts with label bleeding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bleeding. Show all posts

Saturday, April 26, 2014

There are no words. Yes, infertilty is a hard journey but so worth it.

You wait and wait and wait.... having hope but somewhere inside, you never "really" believe that this will happen. Yes, you go through all the shots, all the doctor appointments, all the heartache, all the hope. But, IF you NEVER try, you will NEVER get there! Is it hard? It is soul crushing hard!

They say that IVF normally works within 3 cycles. I did get pregnant on my first two cycles but I miscarried. The fact that I did get pregnant when nothing else had worked for 3 years was like a weight lifting off my chest. When both of those pregnancies ended in a miscarriage, the weight that came back was almost too much to bear. Looking back, I never smiled, there was no joy, I was just a zombie going through day after day, doing what I was told to do because one day "maybe" it would give me the the child I so desperately wanted. My 3rd cycle also worked, did it have some bumps, you betcha. Lower beta numbers and bleeding in my 1st trimester that put me to bed. (would this be another miscarriage?) I was not the happy smiling pregnant women that you see on TV, I lived my 9 months full of fear and anxiety, waiting for the bad to come. It had to, it always had.

So, if you are reading this... be the zombie, live with the heartache, because in the end, you smile, you laugh, you giggle. One day you realize the huge gaping hole inside of you is gone. The person you were while going through the journey leaves and you do find yourself again. Only now you are sleep deprived and exhausted but.....your heart sings!

Our sweet little Isabelle at 3 months of age.

The love you will feel.... there are no words.



~kristen

Friday, June 7, 2013

IVF... Our second ultrasound, spotting

We had an unexpected ultrasound on May 23rd. I had some spotting the day before, it was mostly brown but did seem to have some clots and tissue in it. I was scared and nervous but kept telling myself it was the empty sac. When they did my first ultrasound, they found 2 sacs, one with a heartbeat measuring correctly and one that had stopped growing at 5 weeks, 2 days. I just thought it was the second empty sac trying to pass. But, of course with everything I had to go through to get this far, there had to be another bump in the road. What they found was a subchorionic hematoma or SCH for short, I actually have 2 of them, one over each sac. I was put on strict bed rest, no work, no play. Come back in 2 weeks. From what I have found on the internet, this is very common in pregnancies, especially twin pregnancies. Baby bean looked wonderful, heartbeat of 161 measuring right on track. None the less... anxiety and worry followed me around everyday like they thought we were best friends. At this point the doctor would have prescribed, baby aspirin and progesterone, but I was already on those. The concern was, the hematoma was over the baby, if it decided to break loose... there was a chance that it would take the baby with it.
So at 8 weeks, bed rest it is!!




I would like you to meet my friend



http://opinion-forum.com/index/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/worry.jpg

What it is: Also called subchorionic hematoma, subchorionic bleeding is the accumulation of blood within the folds of the chorion (the outer fetal membrane, next to the placenta) or within the layers of the placenta itself. These bleeds, or clots, can cause the placenta to separate from the uterine wall if they get too large, if they develop in a bad spot, or if they aren’t eventually reabsorbed.

How common is it? A good 20 percent of pregnant women will experience some kind of bleeding early in pregnancy, though it’s often hard to tell what’s causing the problem. Subchorionic hematomas are even harder to pick up because they don’t always result in noticeable spotting or bleeding, especially when they’re small.

Who is most at risk? There don’t seem to be any specific risk factors for developing a subchorionic hematoma in the first place, but if you do wind up with one, there are factors that can make you more — or less — likely to have a positive outcome.

What are the symptoms? Spotting or bleeding may be a sign, often beginning in the first trimester. But many subchorionic bleeds are detected during a routine ultrasound, without there being any noticeable signs or symptoms.

Should you be concerned? You wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t worry when you see blood, no matter when it occurs in your pregnancy. And that’s actually a good thing, especially if it prompts you to get in touch with your practitioner, who can make sure there’s nothing amiss. While most subchorionic hematomas dissolve on their own, it is possible for the clot to get in between the placenta and the uterine wall, resulting in miscarriage.
 
Here’s the encouraging news: More than half of women who bleed during their first trimester go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies. But because subchorionic hematomas have been linked to increased risk of placental abruption and preterm labor, you don’t want to ignore signs of spotting or bleeding.

What you should do: Call your practitioner; an ultrasound may be ordered to see whether there is indeed a hematoma, how large it is, and where it’s located. Depending on the findings, as well as on your practitioner’s preferences, he or she may put you on strict bed rest, insist you refrain from lifting heavy objects, and avoid exercise. In most cases, you’ll be asked to avoid sexual intercourse until the hematoma dissolves and disappears. 


~Kristen

Monday, November 5, 2012

IVF, FET.... Betas and Spotting

I had my first beta at 12 days past 5 day transfer and it was 388. My second beta was 14 days past 5 day transfer and it was 847 and my third beta was 16 days past 5 day transfer and was 2073. So each time it is doubling plus some, which means that i should be celebrating. I should be dancing in the street, eating cake and planning where the baby bed can go because those are some kick ass beta numbers!!!! But with me, nothing can ever be easy when it comes to baby making right?? On Thursday I had some cramping and when i got home I had some spotting. I called my RE and was obviously terrified and requested another beta. Since my second beta was so good, they hadn't scheduled me for a third one. So I went on Friday morning and got my third beta of 2073. I asked her if I should be worried about the spotting and she said no that it was very common with IVF pregnancies and that my beta number was excellent.  So why the hell do I have bleeding with a beta of 2073?! Today is Sunday night and I have had spotting everyday since Thursday, not alot, maybe a few times a day...and I just don't know what to think.. I am one of those people who likes to do research so I have been doing research and found that 20-30% of pregnancies have bleeding within the first trimester. ALSO... It is very common for someone who is pregnant with multiples to have bleeding in their first trimester since the uterus is stretching more for two babies. I can't deny that it hasn't crossed my mind that I might have twins since my beta numbers were on the higher side. One moment I feel like everything is fine and its just a little spotting and the next moment I think i'm kidding myself because any bleeding during pregnancy cannot be good. So now I wait. I'm going to call the RE again tomorrow and have them reassure me that this is common and that I should not be panicking...because I am panicking!!! I am going to ask for an ultrasound but i know that they will say that it is too early. My first ultrasound is set for November 14th but I can't imagine waiting that long for some answers. Please keep me and my maybe baby in your prayers. I just want this so bad...so extremely bad. I cannot imagine having another miscarriage. I just can't. I need this to work for my sanity and my marriage and my life. Please oh please...let me stay pregnant.

~Kristen

Saturday, June 9, 2012

IVF, Miscarriage is a four letter word

I had an appointment with my regular obgyn on Tuesday. We weren't sure how far along I was so they said they would do an ultrasound so they could start my pregnancy file and give me a due date. I was so excited to be at my normal obgyn, i finally got here, i finally felt like just a normal pregnancy patient and not a infertility patient.  My mom was with me and we couldn't wait to be able to get an ultrasound. We talked about how we wanted them to do one for a week before the appointment. She didn't get to see the baby yet and I really wanted to hear the heartbeat to finally get a little relief. I had no idea that this ultrasound would change everything. No heartbeat. I should have been measuring 8weeks3days but I was only measuring 6weeks2days. My baby stopped growing, i had a miscarriage.

I chose to have a d and c. I couldn't imagine having to bleed my baby out in the toilet and the thought of our baby falling into the toilet was more than my husband could bear. I had my d and c this morning. It is impossible to describe the feeling of losing a pregnancy. One minute i was about to see my baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound and watch all my dreams really be true and the next minute...it is all over. I have no baby. I had been walking around for 2 weeks with no baby. I thought of all the times we laughed and talked to the baby in my belly, how we fought over names and the sex we wanted. And my favorite thing was my husband kissing my belly when we were laying together or when he would leave the house for work. It was finally real, we would be a family. All of a sudden, i am not pregnant. I think the hardest thing was seeing my husband so devastated, i feel like my body let him down, I feet like I let him down. We were finally letting ourselves be excited and i couldn't stop imagining how beautiful our baby would be. I couldn't wait to see what our combined genes would create. But now it is just gone.

We are getting through this together and will not let any tragedy, no matter how devastating, tear us apart. We will get through this together. And we will not give up. Atleast i know now that i can get pregnant, we will not stop until our miracle baby comes through. To anyone that has had a miscarriage, i'm so sorry. It is hard to believe that all this pain is part of God's plan but we will not lose faith and neither should you. Don't give up ladies, we will do everything we can to control our own destiny and make our dreams come true. We will be Moms and create the family we deserve. Believe in miracles <3

Monday, May 14, 2012

Beta Numbers

IVF Beta Numbers, the good, the bad, the heck if I know!

My first beta number came back at 80, got the call and its official... I am Pregnant! We have waited so very long to hear those words. I cannot believe that those words are real. The Charting everyday, then Clomid, then Femara, next the IUI's, then finally IVF.

I found this great site to give you incite into beta numbers. 16 days past ovulation and hcg numbers. BUT remember that when they test you after IUI or IVF, it will be earlier than a women that would have normally missed her period so the number will most probably be lower than the first number on the chart. It seems there is no right or wrong. Every woman will have different numbers, i have found numerous articles that say not to obsess over these numbers. (Obviously we obsess about every little thing at this point but they say to try not too).

So my next two betas were not as good as the doctor would have liked to have seen. He said since it was still early on, it shouldn't double but atleast increase by 60%. My second beta increased by about 40% and my third increased by 60%. Am I worried.... I am terrified. I know they have to prepare you for the worst just incase but I would like to not spend every minute of my day worried that my next beta won't be high enough and my miracle will be over.  I go back Tuesday for another one. The numbers always went up, never down. And by the info from the link above, I should be fine. I also found out that dehydration can effect the hcg levels and I have most certainly been dehydrated.

But as of now, I am pregnant. I keep telling myself, I am pregnant. I have a little sesame seed growing inside of me. I hope and pray that it stays there safe and sound. I am still trying not to get too excited or plan too much imaging what my beautiful family will look like and feel like. My Husband is getting so excited too, which makes me feel even more pressure to keep this baby growing inside me (like i have any control) but it still feels like my job and I would be letting everyone down. I am so very thankful for my miracle and now i just wait for my happy ending. Beta in two days...think high numbers!!!