Life is good again. Not great but its easier to enjoy the little things. I am trying to track my ovulation which who knows if that is a good thing or a bad thing because it leads to many questions. Can I even track my ovulation? Is tracking my ovulation going to make me crazy because why would there be any chance that i could just get pregnant on my own now? Or is it making it better because it reminds me of when we first got married? That was before the word "infertility" was in my life. Before i was a human encyclopedia of definitions and statistics based on age and fertility. It was the beginning and it was full of hopes and dreams that had yet to be crushed by infertility. No IVF, no injections, no IUI, no femera, no clomid. Just a thermometer, ovulation detections strips and a lot of sex. This week has been like the old days, when my biggest fertility worry was trying to decide if my ovulation strip line is dark enough to call ovulation and hoping that maybe it is. It feels good to hope and dream again. Even though i will always remain cautious because of past events. But a little dreaming is better than none at all. Dreaming is a luxury that infertility takes from you. It takes your hopes and dreams and makes you doubt everything. It makes planning seem impossible, because "we might have a baby by then". But i wont let it win, I will continue to dream and we will get our family. I am a dreamer but I'm not the only one.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
-Eleanor Roosevelt
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I dream with you every day.... {hug}
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