You have my nose!!!

I went for my last ultrasound yesterday, everything checked out great. Good fluid, good growth, you could see her bladder was full, so she is doing everything she is supposed to be doing. My doctor (who is absolutely wonderful) estimated her weight around 5.5 pounds. I will be 34 weeks tomorrow and I am already packing my hospital bag. No, nothing is wrong but this far along you start to hear "the stories". You know the ones... my water broke 4 weeks early, my water broke 5 weeks early. So.... I have started packing my bag and making list. I guess you can say that I have entered the "nesting" stage. Her nursery is almost finished. Just a few items left to pick up. We still need a diaper genie, which is a MUST have on one of my list.

Did I mention that I am a worrier??? I wish I could be one of those people that could say being pregnant was wonderful! It took us 3 years to get here and countless heartache. I was happy to through all the pregnancy symptoms. BRING THEM ON! :-) I finally had a little baby growing inside of me but, after my first IVF and my FET both resulted in miscarriages and the subchorionic hematoma that put me on bed-rest at 8 weeks with this little bean. I have spent most of my pregnancy worrying. Just this little nagging "what if" at the back of my brain. Now, with only 6 weeks left, I only want to have her safe and sound in my arms. I am not sure how you can love someone so much that you have never met but, my heart is so full of love for her. A happy joyous love that if I think about it too long, it makes me cry.

My sweet little Isabelle, you have my nose! <3


~Kristen

IVF, SCH update

Ultrasound 11 weeks 5 days, heartbeat 165
 Subchorionic hematoma - changed to just a sliver, way below the baby.
 EVERYTHING IS GOOD!!!!

Here is our official facebook announcement.

~Kristen

IVF, I have a BFP!!

I tested 4dp5dt and got a faint positive, today is 8dp5dt and it is no longer faint!

I guess I am pregnant!! Tomorrow is my first Beta and also marks my pregnancy reaching 4 weeks!! I am ready to hear my beta number and then see it double, this cycle is all about the small victories until we can celebrate the big victory...the heartbeat!! I have tested everyday since 3dp5dt, I like to see the line get darker, so I know my HCG is increasing!!

P.S. My sock exchange buddy told me today that she also got a BFP!!
Today is a good day :)

~Kristen

The woes of two pink lines

Ok now that I have a positive, I am kinda freaking out. But I have to remember, just because I have had two miscarriages in the past year does not mean that mine will end that way again. I have to not let FEAR get a hold on me..

 The next step is testing again to see the line get darker and then my first beta on Friday. I have to celebrate the little wins. This is a WIN! And the line was so early, that means the HCG is strong..that is good. I have the right to enjoy every step of my IVF journey and celebrate every victory.

I need to remember that women have miscarriages and then have a live birth all of the time. This could be my time. Everything I want could be waiting for me
...and I'm ready

~Kristen

Do you see what I see?

IVF women have different views about peeing on a stick. Some prefer to wait and poas the morning of their beta test, others enjoy testing everyday and hopefully seeing the line get darker and darker...I'm one of those. Please see my 4dp5dt test below:

It is quite the SQUINTER of a line. But guess what... any line counts!!!!

Wait, am I pregnant??????!!

IVF, 5 day, Tranfer Day!!!

With my warm socks on my feet sent from my IVF buddy. My RE implanted 2 perfect grade blast. We did Assisted Hatching and you could already see them oozing out. It was a wonderful site to see. The embryos were pictured on an ultrasound and one nurse said, "Oh you're putting in 3 embryos?!" I said that we did assisted hatching so they were already coming out the shell but it really did look like 3...did one split into identical twins during the assisted hatching process?! ahhhh!!! haha just kidding, that's extremely rare. But it was oozing out the shell and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! When they drop into place on the ultrasound... everyone in the room awed. They said that was "a perfect drop". I have such a good feeling this cycle. It took a while to get here but now the calm has set in. Will I pee on a stick? You bet I will!! I feel certain that I will receive a positive, My fresh IVF and my FET  worked for me both times but, both resulted in a miscarriage. We just need to make this one stick!! My RE felt the Assisted Hatching would help them to attach better and deeper. I am still taking my estrogen, the med to lower my prolactin level, my pre-natals and of course my progesterone suppositories. The last 2 cycles, I did the progesterone, 100mg twice a day but because of the miscarriages, this cycle it has been bumped up to 100mg, three times a day.


My call came from the Embryologist the next day. We had 2 perfect little embies to freeze. So now, I am just vegging on the couch until Monday when I head back to work.
Stay tuned for future test results. <3

~chillin Kristen

IVF... quick update, time for egg retrieval!!

My E2 (Estrogen) level was 5000 Wed. April 10th.
Trigger shot that night at 10:15 pm.
Egg retrieval was Sun. morning 8:15 am. 11 eggs retrieved.
Embryo report Sat. the 13th, 7 mature eggs, 6 fertilized.
Sunday morning report... all 6 look good and on track.

I have had some pain and bloating of course but nothing too awful. Drinking lots and lots of water!!

I wanted a 3 day transfer. Which would put us doing a transfer on Monday. But after speaking with my doctor and directly with the embryologist, looks like our best bet is with a 5 day transfer. This process has worked for us both times; IFV and FET but then I also had a miscarriages both times. I am so worried about having something left to freeze. I have doomed myself before I have even begin. I need to let that go... Of course, it will be, what it will be. I need to take a more positive approach. All of my test have come back normal. NORMAL! (more for my brain, than your info) My doctor assures me that IVF will work for me!

So, now I wait some more... they call every morning with an embryo update. I am taking my steroids, antibiotics, prolactin pills, estrace, baby aspirin, prenatals, extra folic acid and eating a little pineapple core for 5 days.  And I am praying. This needs to work, this has to work!! Please, oh please.... let this work!

If you read this and have a spare moment, send good vibes my way.
Love to everyone going through this extremely stressful way to make a family.
Stay calm and believe!!
 


~waiting on transfer.... Kristen

Third time is the charm..right guys?!

Hello all, long time no write

It is that time again... Invitro time. This will be my second IVF cycle and my third cycle in all, including a frozen cycle. Last year in April I did my first IVF cycle and now in April this year, I will be doing my second IVF cycle.

I went in today and talked to my RE; my protocol for IVF #2 will change in the doses of medicine (since last time I made 27 eggs and was extremely overstimulated) and this time, they will be performing assistant hatching on my embryos. I looked up assistant hatching today online but this is how my RE explained it. My embryos are implanting and I am getting pregnant, I am just not staying pregnant. Assisted hatching will remove the outer layer of the embryo to hopefully help it implant better which will hopefully make it stick. I asked my RE if he could squirt some super glue in there before the embryo transfer but he didnt think that was a good idea ;)

I start my follistim on March 25th and stimming on April 1st

I feel surprisingly optimistic since nothing has ever been found to cause our infertility and I am getting pregnant but miscarrying; I just feel like it is a numbers game at this point. It is just how many times will it take before it works and sticks?? Sooner or later it will stay... so now we just hope that is it sooner and not later

Will will beat the dreaded "Infertility Monster"!

~Kristen

IVF, Miscarriage #2

I started spotting on Thursday and it felt like my world was ending. My beta numbers had been so high that I thought maybe I was having two. Which gave us twice the chance to end up with one baby. We went for an ultrasound on Monday and it showed that there was still a baby in there, we did another beta and the number had dropped. I stopped all my progesterone and estrogen and had a natural miscarriage at home. And now I am trying to just survive every day and not feel like all hope is lost. With my first miscarriage, I could make excuses on why it didn't work and still be hopeful to try again but after the second one...I am pretty terrified that it will never work. The feeling is overwhelming, it is effecting every aspect of my life. I am sad, very very sad. I feel like I'm hitting rock bottom, which is hard for me because I am such a positive person. And now, I just want this to be over. I was so motivated to do whatever it took for us to have our baby and now I am just ready to stop obsessing about this everyday. I can't imagine how it would feel to have a month that isn't disappointing. For the past 2 1/2 years, I have had hope and got let down every single month. It is truly emotionally exhausting. In my state, you cannot adopt locally until you've been married for 3 years, you can only do an overseas adoption. I never thought I would feel like this, I thought I would fight to the end and never give up but I just want a baby, a baby to love and give my everything to, i am just so ready. I am just feeling lost and sad and terrified that we will do invitro again and get the same devastating result. I have an appointment with my RE on December 19 to discuss our next step, which we have decided to spend another $14, 000 and do invitro again. I just can't imagine if I end up having another miscarriage, or how I am suppose to survive if this happens again...but I can't give up yet on having my own baby... I won't give up yet. The only thing to do when you have reached rock bottom, is to pick yourself up. I am ready to pick myself up...

~Kristen

IVF Works!!

Latest Beta number in.... we had a Big Jump to 749!! (I can breathe)
Ultrasound is set for next week. Ready to see our little bean. <3

27 Eggs!!!

My IVF journey continues.. 
I had my egg retrieval yesterday morning and let me just say that i was terrified!! I never had an i.v. or anesthesia before and i was not sure what to expect. And of course, it wasn't bad at all. The nurse was amazing and the i.v. went in great then we sat and waited for our turn in the surgical room. I remembered being wheeled into the surgical room and walking to a table and putting my feet in the stirrups, then the anesthesiologist said he would give me something to feel relaxed but not to fall asleep yet and i don't remember one thing after that until i woke up back in my room. The procedure took about 25 minutes to complete.  My husband said that i was already in my room for about 20 minutes but i don't remember any of that time. He said that with all those drugs i seemed wasted and that it was hilarious. He said that i asked how many eggs we got and he said 27. And then i said, "27 holy shit, that's a lot. Give me five mouther fucka". Yeah..i do not usually talk like that and this was with the Dr and Nurses still in there. (had to be the drugs)  Haha. At least we have something to laugh about, we always have something to laugh about :) We have been working for this moment for over a month, the egg retrieval, and i had 27 eggs....hell yeah!!!!!!