Dancing in the womb

We saw you today little one. You were dancing in the womb. You are only 9 weeks new and you are so very loved. Here is your glamor headshot.



Stats: heartbeat of 170. due date of Dec 11th.

~Kristen

On this Mother's Day, I'm thinking of you

I'm sitting here on the couch watching tv and I look down at my coffee table and see a bib, noonie, baby brush and a toy Brobee from yo gabba gabba and, I smile. Almost 4 years ago I married my husband and we began our amazing life together. And we started trying to have a baby. Now, I say we started the process of trying to have a baby. I didn't know at that time that it would be a process. We have gone through so much to get here and yet it doesn't feel like we have. Ivf is a blurr, our two miscarriages are a blurr, all the tears and doubt is a blurr. I have my baby. The hardest part about infertility is not knowing the end result. My Isabelle is the baby I was meant to have and I had to go through a process to get her. If I would've known how great the end would be, I wouldn't have worried so much. Through those 3 years of trying, I couldn't be happy. I had a great life but couldn't get the idea of never being able to have a baby out of my mind. But those 3 years we grew so much stronger  and had some great memories as a married couple and now we get to live our life as a family. Infertility isn't fair, it's cruel and can break your heart. But I didn't let it break me, I kept fighting and look where I am now. Thank you God for everything I have been through. Everything has brought me to this moment with this baby, my baby, the one that was meant for me. Last Mother's Day I was pregnant with Isabelle, the Mother's Day before that I was pregnant with the first baby I lost and this Mother's Day I am holding my baby and believe me when I say, its better than I could've ever imagined. 

So for this Mother's Day, I'm thinking of you. I want to take a moment to say I am thinking about every woman out there that is longing to be a mom but hasn't yet had a chance to hold her own child in her arms. Whether it's due to infertility, pregnancy loss, infant loss, or one of many other reasons it doesn't matter. You are all so special and loved.

The woes of two pink lines

Ok now that I have a positive, I am kinda freaking out. But I have to remember, just because I have had two miscarriages in the past year does not mean that mine will end that way again. I have to not let FEAR get a hold on me..

 The next step is testing again to see the line get darker and then my first beta on Friday. I have to celebrate the little wins. This is a WIN! And the line was so early, that means the HCG is strong..that is good. I have the right to enjoy every step of my IVF journey and celebrate every victory.

I need to remember that women have miscarriages and then have a live birth all of the time. This could be my time. Everything I want could be waiting for me
...and I'm ready

~Kristen

Do you see what I see?

IVF women have different views about peeing on a stick. Some prefer to wait and poas the morning of their beta test, others enjoy testing everyday and hopefully seeing the line get darker and darker...I'm one of those. Please see my 4dp5dt test below:

It is quite the SQUINTER of a line. But guess what... any line counts!!!!

Wait, am I pregnant??????!!

IVF, 5 day, Tranfer Day!!!

With my warm socks on my feet sent from my IVF buddy. My RE implanted 2 perfect grade blast. We did Assisted Hatching and you could already see them oozing out. It was a wonderful site to see. The embryos were pictured on an ultrasound and one nurse said, "Oh you're putting in 3 embryos?!" I said that we did assisted hatching so they were already coming out the shell but it really did look like 3...did one split into identical twins during the assisted hatching process?! ahhhh!!! haha just kidding, that's extremely rare. But it was oozing out the shell and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! When they drop into place on the ultrasound... everyone in the room awed. They said that was "a perfect drop". I have such a good feeling this cycle. It took a while to get here but now the calm has set in. Will I pee on a stick? You bet I will!! I feel certain that I will receive a positive, My fresh IVF and my FET  worked for me both times but, both resulted in a miscarriage. We just need to make this one stick!! My RE felt the Assisted Hatching would help them to attach better and deeper. I am still taking my estrogen, the med to lower my prolactin level, my pre-natals and of course my progesterone suppositories. The last 2 cycles, I did the progesterone, 100mg twice a day but because of the miscarriages, this cycle it has been bumped up to 100mg, three times a day.


My call came from the Embryologist the next day. We had 2 perfect little embies to freeze. So now, I am just vegging on the couch until Monday when I head back to work.
Stay tuned for future test results. <3

~chillin Kristen

IVF, 3 day embryo update

Well.... can you hear my sigh of relief? 

The report this morning from our Embryologist was 6 perfect 8 cell embryos with zero fragmentation. You just don't get better than that!!! So today, I will take this one small miracle that has been offered to us and hold it tight. In two days, 2 of those little beauties will be given back to my body. It is such a gift that science has given us the technology to help us become Mother's. Today is a good day and I am thankful!

Thankful for
my wonderful husband
my supportive family
that fact that we can afford to do IVF
my classroom full of Pre-K 4 year olds, that I am missing this week
my fantastic doctor and caring embryologist
face licks from my little doggie
and the soft purr of my kitties laying next to me

Here is info on what a 3 day old embryo should look like.
IVF Quality and Grading of 3 day old embryos



 ~Kristen

IVF, Bruises, Hormones, Hives and Tears

This is my second round of IVF and I didn't realize how spoiled I was with the first one because this one is rough on my body! I have been getting side effects from the lupron including fatigue, headaches and hives. The hives are terrible, they swell up for about 3 days so I have to give a shot on top of the hives because we have to rotate sides each night. You can also see the shot marks all over my now swollen stomach...I look like a pin cushion! But we all know, the physical part of this is the easiest, it is the emotional that gets us. My hormones have also been crazy!! This morning my husband said, "babe why are you about to cry?"... I just said, "I don't know...why not?!" Waaaa!!! HAHAHA. This is quite a journey ladies. So remind your husband that your hormones are crazy and remind yourself that your hormones are crazy. But this too will pass... so just focus on your next appointment and being able to see all your follicles growing strong and know that is is okay to cry and to be scared but also be hopeful and have faith. My Mom always says that we need to focus on the small victories during this process to get us through. So I will celebrate my 21 growing follicles and my great estrogen level and just be thankful that I have the opportunity to do invitro because not everyone does.

~Kristen