There are no words. Yes, infertilty is a hard journey but so worth it.

You wait and wait and wait.... having hope but somewhere inside, you never "really" believe that this will happen. Yes, you go through all the shots, all the doctor appointments, all the heartache, all the hope. But, IF you NEVER try, you will NEVER get there! Is it hard? It is soul crushing hard!

They say that IVF normally works within 3 cycles. I did get pregnant on my first two cycles but I miscarried. The fact that I did get pregnant when nothing else had worked for 3 years was like a weight lifting off my chest. When both of those pregnancies ended in a miscarriage, the weight that came back was almost too much to bear. Looking back, I never smiled, there was no joy, I was just a zombie going through day after day, doing what I was told to do because one day "maybe" it would give me the the child I so desperately wanted. My 3rd cycle also worked, did it have some bumps, you betcha. Lower beta numbers and bleeding in my 1st trimester that put me to bed. (would this be another miscarriage?) I was not the happy smiling pregnant women that you see on TV, I lived my 9 months full of fear and anxiety, waiting for the bad to come. It had to, it always had.

So, if you are reading this... be the zombie, live with the heartache, because in the end, you smile, you laugh, you giggle. One day you realize the huge gaping hole inside of you is gone. The person you were while going through the journey leaves and you do find yourself again. Only now you are sleep deprived and exhausted but.....your heart sings!

Our sweet little Isabelle at 3 months of age.

The love you will feel.... there are no words.



~kristen

Things are counting down. Hard to believe that we are really here! We just had our baby shower, wanted to share a couple of shots of what I look like. Today I am 33 weeks and 3 day. I have my last ultrasound tomorrow morning. Last check to make sure everything looks ok with our sweet little girl.

Hubby and I.



Here is one of me peeking around the fence. :-)




And we have decided to name her Isabelle.


So... if you are out there on your own journey, DON'T GIVE UP!!
Yes, it is hard and frustrating and will break you in an instant. But if you are strong, the majority of women will be pregnant by their 3rd cycle. And you tend to forget most of it and start to feel like a regular ole pregnant person.

~happy Mommy to be, Kristen

IVF, 5 day, Tranfer Day!!!

With my warm socks on my feet sent from my IVF buddy. My RE implanted 2 perfect grade blast. We did Assisted Hatching and you could already see them oozing out. It was a wonderful site to see. The embryos were pictured on an ultrasound and one nurse said, "Oh you're putting in 3 embryos?!" I said that we did assisted hatching so they were already coming out the shell but it really did look like 3...did one split into identical twins during the assisted hatching process?! ahhhh!!! haha just kidding, that's extremely rare. But it was oozing out the shell and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! When they drop into place on the ultrasound... everyone in the room awed. They said that was "a perfect drop". I have such a good feeling this cycle. It took a while to get here but now the calm has set in. Will I pee on a stick? You bet I will!! I feel certain that I will receive a positive, My fresh IVF and my FET  worked for me both times but, both resulted in a miscarriage. We just need to make this one stick!! My RE felt the Assisted Hatching would help them to attach better and deeper. I am still taking my estrogen, the med to lower my prolactin level, my pre-natals and of course my progesterone suppositories. The last 2 cycles, I did the progesterone, 100mg twice a day but because of the miscarriages, this cycle it has been bumped up to 100mg, three times a day.


My call came from the Embryologist the next day. We had 2 perfect little embies to freeze. So now, I am just vegging on the couch until Monday when I head back to work.
Stay tuned for future test results. <3

~chillin Kristen

IVF, 3 day embryo update

Well.... can you hear my sigh of relief? 

The report this morning from our Embryologist was 6 perfect 8 cell embryos with zero fragmentation. You just don't get better than that!!! So today, I will take this one small miracle that has been offered to us and hold it tight. In two days, 2 of those little beauties will be given back to my body. It is such a gift that science has given us the technology to help us become Mother's. Today is a good day and I am thankful!

Thankful for
my wonderful husband
my supportive family
that fact that we can afford to do IVF
my classroom full of Pre-K 4 year olds, that I am missing this week
my fantastic doctor and caring embryologist
face licks from my little doggie
and the soft purr of my kitties laying next to me

Here is info on what a 3 day old embryo should look like.
IVF Quality and Grading of 3 day old embryos



 ~Kristen

IVF... quick update, time for egg retrieval!!

My E2 (Estrogen) level was 5000 Wed. April 10th.
Trigger shot that night at 10:15 pm.
Egg retrieval was Sun. morning 8:15 am. 11 eggs retrieved.
Embryo report Sat. the 13th, 7 mature eggs, 6 fertilized.
Sunday morning report... all 6 look good and on track.

I have had some pain and bloating of course but nothing too awful. Drinking lots and lots of water!!

I wanted a 3 day transfer. Which would put us doing a transfer on Monday. But after speaking with my doctor and directly with the embryologist, looks like our best bet is with a 5 day transfer. This process has worked for us both times; IFV and FET but then I also had a miscarriages both times. I am so worried about having something left to freeze. I have doomed myself before I have even begin. I need to let that go... Of course, it will be, what it will be. I need to take a more positive approach. All of my test have come back normal. NORMAL! (more for my brain, than your info) My doctor assures me that IVF will work for me!

So, now I wait some more... they call every morning with an embryo update. I am taking my steroids, antibiotics, prolactin pills, estrace, baby aspirin, prenatals, extra folic acid and eating a little pineapple core for 5 days.  And I am praying. This needs to work, this has to work!! Please, oh please.... let this work!

If you read this and have a spare moment, send good vibes my way.
Love to everyone going through this extremely stressful way to make a family.
Stay calm and believe!!
 


~waiting on transfer.... Kristen

Tips to help you get pregnant!

Are you trying to get pregnant? Here are some tips I have learned along the way.

Take a baby aspirin everyday. It is supposed to help your lining thicken up and the baby stick. Reasons to use Baby Aspirin if you are trying to conceive.

Eat a pineapple core during the 5 after ovulation. Cut it into 5 pieces and eat a piece everyday. Pineapple core for implantation.

Have your Prolactin levels checked? Everything we went through.. this was not done until I hit the RE. My levels were too high and that could have been one of my problems all along. Prolactin levels and Infertility
Prolactin doesn't just cause your body to increase milk production - it also affects your ovulation and menstrual cycles. (This is why women who are breastfeeding rarely get pregnant). Prolactin inhibit two hormones necessary for ovulation: follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) and gonadotropin releasing hormone (GnRH). When you have high levels of prolactin in your blood (a condition called hyperprolactinemia), you will not ovulate and this will result in infertility. This anovulation can also cause you to have irregular cycles.


Take at least 1000 mg of Vitamin D3 everyday!!!! Sometimes this is all you need!
"Having enough vitamin D circulating through your system can increase your chances of fertility whether you’re struggling with poly cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), lack of ovulation or general fertility problems. This “hormone” also plays a role in male reproduction. Both sperm motility and production are increased when levels of vitamin D are normal. SO get your men tested too- as we all know it takes two to tango (so to speak)." Vitamin D

They also have Fertility Vitamins! I have a friend that could not conceive  even after injectables and multiple IUI's, after being on only the vitamins for 2 months she is expecting.<3 (i think she took both)
Fertility Blend or Fertility Plus or FertilAid

Start taking your prenatal vitamins now.

Hope this was useful. :)
~Kristen