Dancing in the womb

We saw you today little one. You were dancing in the womb. You are only 9 weeks new and you are so very loved. Here is your glamor headshot.



Stats: heartbeat of 170. due date of Dec 11th.

~Kristen

The blessings of life or YES, you can get pregnant on your own after IVF

We had an unexpected surprise.... I am PREGNANT!

Honestly, I wasn't ready for another baby. Having another baby meant hormones and heartache. I was happy to just enjoy being Isabelle's Mommy. Many of our friends are adding their second child but it is different when you know you will have to go through IVF to get there. So... I was spending my time getting myself back in shape. I was eating low carb no sugar, (eating the PCOS diet) going to the gym at least 3 times a week. (or more) I lost 10 pounds in about 2 months. and It was time for my yearly check up and they found my vitamin D level was low. I was taking 10,000 units for a few days and then went to 2000 a day. That was it... the Perfect Storm! My body ovulated on it's own. The first month I added the vitamin D. Can you get pregnant on your own after IVF, yes!

It is the strangest thing... who knew you could get pregnant from having unprotected sex? It took us 3 very long years to have our dream baby, life was full of hormones and shots and blood work. We knew embryo quality, we knew we had the best sperm. I still look at this picture and think... how did that baby get in there??!!

Here is our little bean, measuring 7 weeks with a heartbeat of 138.



It is funny how life happens, I thought I didn't want another child yet, but now, I can't imagine not having this one! Much love little one....

~kristen - Mommy to be... again.

BTW... When I saw those 2 lines on the test and totally freaked out! I did go immediately and have my beta numbers checked and rechecked to see if they doubled. Also started on progesterone for piece of mind and will continue until my 11-12 weeks. I contacted my infertility doctors office to verify that here was a heartbeat, after all we did not see a heartbeat on 3 of them before. (my regular OB's office could not understand my concern) They were nice enough to get me in and check for the heartbeat. I go see my regular OB in about a week. The fear of failure seems to stay even if you are blessed to get there on your own.

Infertility is worth the fight

The other day I was watching T.V. with my husband and I said, "Sometimes when you're not here and I'm home alone during the day I just cry because I'm so happy"
He said, "You're happy that im not here with you?!"
hahaha that came out wrong...
I am just in awe that I am 14.4 days pregnant. So many times I doubted that i could ever get here. It was a long journey and at times, it felt hopeless... And now here I am :)

 I still have a struggle with letting myself be happy and not worry. Because of my miscarriages, I'm still terrified that this baby will go away too. I have my home doppler that I use at home when I'm feeling nervous and need reassurance and when I put it on my stomach and hear the heartbeat..I am just in awe...there is still a baby in there. I am pregnant. I feel so lucky, everything I had to go through to get here means nothing because I'm here. I have friends that feel like they can't do IVF more than once, or even once because the emotional roller coaster associated with it and the feeling of having hope and then losing it is sometimes too much to bear. I don't know how but I kept going, I always knew that this could happen for me and looking back what if I would've been defeated by everything I had gone through? I wouldn't be here now.  wouldn't have this miracle growing inside me. All the doctor appointments, medications, ultrasounds and injections was just our journey to have our miracle. And because of that journey, we will and do appreciate every moment of this and this baby will be our world. I have appreciation for how much this is truly a gift.

 It is tough... fighting infertility is probably one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through. BUT beating infertility is the most amazing experience of my life.

~blessed Kristen

IVF, SCH update

Ultrasound 11 weeks 5 days, heartbeat 165
 Subchorionic hematoma - changed to just a sliver, way below the baby.
 EVERYTHING IS GOOD!!!!

Here is our official facebook announcement.

~Kristen

Happiness

Whoooooooo Hooooooooo!!!

B is for Beta

Beta Beta Beta

I had my first beta 9dp5dt and it was 81.I could not let myself believe until I knew that next beta number jumped up.My RE scheduled my second one for 4 days later and it rose to........ 409!!!!Your beta should double every two days so mine needed to be at least 324 so, 409 was great. My ultrasound is set for May 15th, By this time we should be able to see/hear a heartbeat. Sometimes, it is too early to hear it but we should be able to see it by then. After 3 years of trying everything (Clomid, Femera, 3 IUI's, IVF, FET & IVF again) we have had two pregnancies but never a heartbeat. A heartbeat means a baby! After seeing a heartbeat the miscarriage rate also drops to only 7%. We need a heartbeat..

Heartbeat, Heartbeat, Heartbeat, Heartbeat, Heartbeat

 

 

IVF, I have a BFP!!

I tested 4dp5dt and got a faint positive, today is 8dp5dt and it is no longer faint!

I guess I am pregnant!! Tomorrow is my first Beta and also marks my pregnancy reaching 4 weeks!! I am ready to hear my beta number and then see it double, this cycle is all about the small victories until we can celebrate the big victory...the heartbeat!! I have tested everyday since 3dp5dt, I like to see the line get darker, so I know my HCG is increasing!!

P.S. My sock exchange buddy told me today that she also got a BFP!!
Today is a good day :)

~Kristen

Do you see what I see?

IVF women have different views about peeing on a stick. Some prefer to wait and poas the morning of their beta test, others enjoy testing everyday and hopefully seeing the line get darker and darker...I'm one of those. Please see my 4dp5dt test below:

It is quite the SQUINTER of a line. But guess what... any line counts!!!!

Wait, am I pregnant??????!!

IVF, Bruises, Hormones, Hives and Tears

This is my second round of IVF and I didn't realize how spoiled I was with the first one because this one is rough on my body! I have been getting side effects from the lupron including fatigue, headaches and hives. The hives are terrible, they swell up for about 3 days so I have to give a shot on top of the hives because we have to rotate sides each night. You can also see the shot marks all over my now swollen stomach...I look like a pin cushion! But we all know, the physical part of this is the easiest, it is the emotional that gets us. My hormones have also been crazy!! This morning my husband said, "babe why are you about to cry?"... I just said, "I don't know...why not?!" Waaaa!!! HAHAHA. This is quite a journey ladies. So remind your husband that your hormones are crazy and remind yourself that your hormones are crazy. But this too will pass... so just focus on your next appointment and being able to see all your follicles growing strong and know that is is okay to cry and to be scared but also be hopeful and have faith. My Mom always says that we need to focus on the small victories during this process to get us through. So I will celebrate my 21 growing follicles and my great estrogen level and just be thankful that I have the opportunity to do invitro because not everyone does.

~Kristen

IVF, time for Stimming!

We had our "Stim Start" last Monday. This means that we are now having 3 shots a night: Lupron, Follistim and Menopur. The follistim and the Menopur is what makes the follicles grow and makes our eggs. At my clinic when you start stimming, you go to the doctor every 3 days the first week. You get bloodwork and ultrasound done to check your estrogen levels and that you have follicles growing, depending on these results your dose can be lowered, increased or can remain the same.

I went to my RE on Wednesday and already had 21 follicles!!! :) Yay! Please remember that your follicles have to mature to a certain number to be viable so just because you have 21 follicles does not mean you will have 21 eggs to fertilize. My estrogen number needed to be between 200 and 400 and mine was 311 so my medication dose remained the same and my nurse said that I was responding beautifully to my meds.

I have to say, going to the doctor really helps. It shows you that you have follicles and reminds you why you are doing all of this. We are making a baby... So try to forget about your swelling stomach and how crazy these hormones are making you and say...we are making a baby :)

Here is a Video of my husband mixing the 3 medications:

Mixing Lupron, Follistim and Menopur 

 

And one day, I hope to look like this!! 

 

 

~Kristen

IVF, Infertility Sucks!

-You have been betrayed by your own body
-I feel broken inside
-It changes you
-You plan, you fail, you plan again, you fail 
-Fear of the "what if", what if it never happens
-Seeing a newborn now causes you pain
-Every month, you die a little inside
-My life is medication, appointments and shots
-You cry tears of broken dreams
-You pray 
-You WAIT, you wait to start meds, you wait to see if the follicles are growing, you wait to see how many eggs they retrieved, you wait to see if they fertilized, you wait to see if they are growing and dividing normally, you wait for the transfer day, you wait to see if it worked this time, you wait to see if you miscarry again...

Then you take a deep breath, hold your head up high
And try to be strong yet again

But, when my life feels beyond hard, I hold the hand of the person that loves me most
And I am thankful



~Kristen

My IVF "sock exchange" package

On Egg Retrieval day, we are so hyped up on hormones and just a wee bit emotional. LOL!! It is such a stressful day... will we have enough eggs, will they be mature, will they fertilize, will they continue to grow? While putting on your hospital gown, you are a ball of nerves. Praying that you did everything right and praying that this is the the next step to finally having your dream come true. Since the only thing we can control that day is what to wear on our feet, my online IVF group decided to do a "sock exchange" this is the package I received today from my new friend :)

 

I feel so very blessed! Thank you Crystal, you made my day! 

Check out my video below:

I got mail!!! :)

On a side note, "they" whoever "they" are have said, keeping your feet warm may help with implantation. Trust me... we listen to everything "they" say!! Because we will do anything in our power to help our dream come true!

~Kristen

IVF, Believe in Miracles

The moment you're ready to quit is usually the moment right before the miracle happens. 

Working on my miracle...

Don't give up!

~ hopeful Kristen

Lupron Day Start; IVF Cycle 2

Today I had my first ultrasound and lab appointment for our 3rd try at IVF. If you are new here, here is a quick breakdown of our baby journey so far... (multiple failed clomid cycles, 3 failed IUIs, a fresh IVF cycle that ended in a MC at 8 weeks and a FET cycle that ended in a miscarriage at 4 weeks.) Everything is ready to start again, today is Lupron Day 1! I am going to try and document this cycle more because I have to do things differently. So this cycle I am trying everything :) I am also going to really try to eat better and exercise. Diet can effect fertility, I am staying away from overly processed food and focusing more on a low carb/low sugar diet. Not to mention Water, Water, Water and more Water!!! Also exercise will get my blood flowing which will hopefully help my uterine lining to grow nice and thick. I will also start my baby aspirin today. I have already been taking prenatals with DHEA, folic acid, Vitamin D and CoQ 10. 

Check out my videos below 

I'm filming it on my phone so the quality is not the best but it gets the point across ;)

Preparing lupron

Lupron injection 1

After everything we have been through, it does feel like the world is shouting "no".
But today we start over again!! For a dream, a whisper, a tug at our hearts.
Wishing everyone a little........ HOPE! <3


~Kristen